Six Not So Secret Turn Offs for Men

Yahoo Mangina for Hire,  Matt Schneidermann, writes an article called “Six Secret Turn Ons For Men” in a covert effort to shove fat acceptance into the rolls of the subconscious of the American male (and anyone else who uses yahoo mail).

I doubt he is fooling anybody, especially those familiar with the red pill, but as Adolf Hitler once said, “If you tell a big enough lie and frequently enough, it will be believed.”

Let’s examine Schneidermann’s article, shall we?

Sure, some typical moves — a hair flip here, an eye batted there — will attract a man… some of the time. But you may be surprised at the things guys really can’t resist about women, and some of them are the very qualities women fear will drive men away — from letting a curse word fly loose to leaving all kinds of makeup near his bathroom sink. Here’s why these habits (and others) can actually win a man over…

What Schneidermann does here is conflate indicators of interest with what attracts a man. All an indicator of interest does is signal that a women is receptive to his approach.  A hair flip or a batted eye are not what attract a man at all. A tight body, long hair, smooth skin, and feminine (read: submissive) behavior are. A large and in charge, foul-mouthed sailor, permanently sun-tanned tangerine with a skrillex hair-cut will have no men approaching her regardless of how much she bats her eyes or flips her hair.

And women fear that these behaviors will drive men away because they do. Sure the occasional cuss word or mess won’t kill a relationship – but they do not endear you ladies to a man either.

1. He loves that you indulge at dinnertime.
Guys love women who like to eat — not ladies who say they aren’t hungry and then pick at their date’s food all night. Paul, 30, who lives in Boston, thinks that food may be the reason he fell in love with his fiancée: “When we first started dating, I thought it might be awkward if I wanted greasy food like wings — I figured she’d think it was fattening or unhealthy. Women I’d dated in the past only wanted to go out for salad or sushi. But she was enthusiastic about eating all kinds of things with me. I loved that easygoing attitude of hers.” Aside from showing that you’re not high maintenance or neurotic about your weight, that kind of unabashed enthusiasm also tends to translate into other areas — including the bedroom. “A woman with a healthy appetite for food tends to have a healthy appetite on alllevels, and being affectionate is absolutely a part of that,” explains Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., author of Emotional Fitness for Couples: 10 Minutes a Day to a Better Relationship.

Well for starters, no one likes a pig in a poor economy unless you count the workers of the restaurant you’re eating at. A woman with a healthy appetite for food eats enough – no more, no less so that she is not a lard ass, nor a skeleton like the one feminist think society is pushing on us all through models.

If you want to be affectionate with food, cook for your man. The saying goes, “The way to man’s heart is through his stomach.” While some would argue that is only half true, the fact that many women these days brag about their inability to cook, means that a women who likes to cook for her man is a full head and shoulders above other women (assuming she’s the same looks wise).

Again, Schneidermann is fooling no one. We all know that a “healthy appetite” for food means that he’s talking about a big girl who’ll eat you out of house, home, and country. I’ll pass on that one.

2. He loves your occasional outbursts.

You may worry that it’s not ladylike, but occasionally letting a curse or rant escape your lips at an unexpected moment can be a major turn-on. “Hearing a woman use profanity out of context gives a guy a shock of adrenaline,” explains Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of Be Honest — You’re Not That Into Him Either and DSI: Date Scene Investigation. “Men like women who can be tough and assertive, and as long as she doesn’t take the talk too far, it’s a positive thing.”

No. We do not like your random and occasional outbursts. Being proud of being a bitch is like being proud of being ugly. It’s not something to be proud of. Profanity does not give rise to erections. Lastly, I’ve got a message for the author. You’re a man (in theory), and I’m a man. If you need a link to a scientific study to prove to me why men find something as a turn on, you’re full of shit.

3. He loves that you aren’t a neat freak.
Believe it or not, guys find the proliferation of hair products, accessories and unidentified stuff strewn about your apartment oddly endearing. “I love that my wife makes a bigger mess than I do,” says Ziad, 31, of Durham, NC. “When she cooks, food ends up all over the place. It shows that she’s carefree, and it reminds me to enjoy the moment rather than worrying about the consequences.” This laid-back mind-set also carries over into your weekend wardrobe. “Guys love a woman who’s not trying too hard,” explains Dr. Kerner. “Most men think a pair of boxer shorts and a ratty old T-shirt around the house is your most attractive look.” So don’t spend hours choosing the perfect date-night outfit or getting your place in House Beautiful-worthy shape, because men love you just as you are — in your comfortable, slightly sloppy glory.

I like a women who can cook and clean house and home. Being proud of being messy is like being proud of not being able to cook. It is unfeminine and confers no benefits to you. Perhaps, Scheidermann is projecting here?

Most men I believe appreciate a women who tries hard to please him. Not trying hard conveys the opposite. It is women, who like a man who does not try to hard.

Also, naked around the house (or in lingerie) is your most attractive look around the house.

4. He loves your extra padding.
Sure, you’ve heard that men love women with curves, but how about those extra pounds you’ve been trying to sweat off at the gym? There’s a good chance that your guy loves them, too. Just ask 26-year-old Nick: “My girlfriend exercises regularly, but I think the little pudginess in her thighs is sexy because it shows she’s not perfect.” Sure, your extra padding may make men feel a little better about their own couch potato bellies, but there’s also a biological reason why men like this. Psychologists at the University of Texas determined that men were most attracted to women with hourglass figures — regardless of their weight. They theorize that men unconsciously seek this body type because it signals that a woman is able to procreate.

A woman with a 0.7 hip to waist ratio is where it’s at. Sure, I don’t like my women skeleton thin, but we all know what Schneidermann really means. Manginas and women alike can bleat like sheep all they want about how men like women with a little extra junk in the trunk, in the back seat, the passenger seat, the glove box, and even the driver’s seat. It won’t make it true. The more attractive and closer to perfect a woman looks, the greater her biological fitness and the greater men will desire to reproduce with her.

Fear not, for all is not lost, ladies. You still have Nigel.

5. He’s fascinated by your knowledge of the things you’re passionate about.
A man becomes fascinated by whatever it is that gets you all hot and bothered — regardless of whether or not he shares the same interests. “It’s not about knowing facts — it’s about being passionate about something,” says Mira Kirshenbaum, author of The Weekend Marriage. “These are things that are important to her, not just stuff meant to impress a guy.” This can be passion for a subject as seemingly obscure as agricultural practices of the Mayans or as popular as Spanish as a second language. He may not quite get it and he may not want to have all-night discussions about it, but he definitely appreciates the fact that you’re a smart, interesting woman who thinks for herself and doesn’t mold her interests to match those of her partner. Your interests also fuel what Dr. Kerner calls the process of self-expansion. “The more you expand as a person,” he explains, “the more the relationship expands.”

In my experience, most women don’t know shit about anything. I don’t care where you went to college, I can’t put my fist in your degree, and I can’t fuck your childhood. I don’t give a shit and anyone who is honest with himself doesn’t care either. I am however, not above pretending I am just to sleep with you.

Also, you (woman) should never expand during a relationship ever. The more your waistline expands, the more the relationship contracts. The only thing that should expand is your repertoire of moves in the bedroom.

6. He loves a good head rub from you.
Don’t get me wrong — men love it when you grope their erogenous zones. But that’s not the only type of touch they crave. Adam, 28, of Roanoke, VA, confesses: “I love how my wife rubs my head at night.” Sweet, yes, but it also feels oh-so-good: home to hundreds of nerve endings, the scalp is an often-neglected zone. And light touches anywhere can achieve a similar effect, since they cause his body to produce vasopressin, a feel-good relaxation hormone that also promotes bonding. Another positive side effect? Initiating any kind of physical contact sends your man the message that you want him just as much as he wants you — and that you truly care about him.

Actually, this is the only reasonable piece of the article. It is no secret that a good head rub doesn’t feel nice. Anybody would like a good head rub. But if you ladies want your man to produce a real, relationship enhancing dose of vasopressin – fuck him good and often.

All in all, this was a pretty stupid article. I don’t know who Schneidermann asked for men’s opinions in the article, but I have a sneaking suspicion that is was Schneidermann’s version of me, myself, and I.

~Wald

6 thoughts on “Six Not So Secret Turn Offs for Men

  1. In other words:

    He likes it that:

    1. You are a glutton and you eat like a pig.
    2. you are a bitch and might be in need of mental health treatment.
    3. you are a slob.
    4. you are overweight, out of shape, and have little self-control or self-discipline.
    5. you think you know about things you don’t really know about.
    6. you don’t pay attention to his sexual needs.

    • That’s it pretty much.

      I could have avoided the commentary and summed up the yahoo post just like that.

      On a side note – my blog must be getting better if you’re commenting on it.

  2. 5. He’s fascinated by your knowledge of the things you’re passionate about.

    For the life of me I do not understand why this continues to get such pixel time in teh interwebz. Why, oh why, do women think men care about their jobs, their knowledge of international politics, or their experience with different kinds of handbags?

    Lady, I truly don’t give a shit about your life experiences or where you went to college or how much money you make. I don’t care about the people you knew, or know, or hope to know. I don’t give a rat’s ass about how great a conversationalist you are. I honestly don’t. The only thing you should be knowledgeable about is how to please me. The only thing I care that you are passionate about is having sex with me.

  3. Having been that, I can pretty much assuredly say that the author is a damaged codependent. The article is not an expression of his desires, but an expression of his own willingness to submit. Pretty clearly so.

    The part where some PHDs are cited made me laugh. Such a fucking scheme. Give somebody a title and suddenly his ideas mean shit. I am sickened to death by my own susceptibility to that horsecrap.

    Nothing to add otherwise.

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