Last week’s post was an April Fool’s post.
The reason why I had not posted afterwards had more to do with me getting blitzed with my studies than me dealing with the Facebook message that never came and probably never will.
Besides seeing how many people would skip the date and be fooled by the seriousness of the post, I had a secondary purpose for my April Fool’s post. I wanted to test a writing style of mine, that seems to come out when I speak about this subject. Everything in that post was real except the end. I may have changed the grammar and spelling of the Skype conversation, but everything in there, my thoughts, my words, were real.
You see, I do plan to write about my experiences through high-school eventually to catch up with myself today, whatever “today” is when I finally get to write about it. To top it off, I hope to write a book. In this book, I’d write about my experiences with my last oneitis. There is so much to learn from it, but so much pain in going over it. Not everyone knows the whole story, my best friends both on and off the manosphere included. Probably only my father knows the whole story, secrets and all. I feel like if I write a book about this, it would be a big step in finally, letting go of this stuff completely. The hold this oneitis has over me is still strong, even if its power wanes every day, to be less and less.
On one hand it makes for some nice natural aloofness. On the other hand I’m in a constant weird emotional state where I picture myself fucking girls within meeting them (good) and having babies with them after getting intimate (bad). I’m getting better at dealing with this, but it is better to not have to deal with it at all, than to merely be good at dealing with it. At least, that’s what it looks like and that is how I feel on the subject.
On the blog front, I imagine things will slow down in school sometime in the middle of this week, and I should start posting again, randomly, if not per my desired schedule.