Lacrimosa

It’s official. Another one’s journey is at its end.

The Private Man was one of the older figures in the sphere and I don’t mean by his age. He’s been in the manosphere since the beginning. Since at least February 2011. Almost over a year after I had first started reading (though no doubt he had been reading for some time himself). Since then, he was a constant fixture in the manosphere. Many blogs came and went. Many men came and went. He was always there. Often times he was the first light a lost soul might happen upon, before embarking upon the journey we now call “taking the red pill”.

Everything changed for him in September 2013, when he found out he had cancer. He later even gave it a dedicated page. A long while later, it appeared that he had gone into remission.

Then it went terminal. He held a going away party and that was the last I heard of him.

While I knew of him, and read his blog a lot in the early years, I never spoke to the man in person. I never truly knew him, though several of my friends did. Because of this, I can’t truly do him justice in this obituary.

A small conversation between my mentor and I will have to do:

Me: Also, bad timing I know, but send up a final prayer for Andrew (aka The Private Man)

Mentor: What happened?

Oh shit.

Me: Yep. It was finally his time.

Makes me feel kinda old, to have been part of the manosphere long enough that former contributors are passing through the pearly gates.

And at the same time, a little lonely.

Mentor:  Amen.

Me: I forget, often, how far I’ve come socially, and how huge a help the manosphere’s been, simply for being there. Because I knew I wasn’t just crazy. I wasn’t the only one.

Mentor: Exactly.

Me: And after enough time, it almost felt like an extended family.

Mentor: Ditto

Me: Even though my family’s a tight-nit group, I was still the odd one out. The oddball. And I never really fit in anywhere else in my life except briefly in highschool when I played rugby.

In the manosphere, I was just one of the guys. I belonged somewhere.

Home at last.

Mentor: Agreed 100%

I’ll close with this:

For all the ‘sphere’s faults, now and since it began, imagine living (once more) without it.

Me: Perish the thought!

Mentor: Exactly.

~Wald

Getting Up In the Morning

Just a few tips for getting ready in the morning and getting to where you’re going on time every time. At least, it’s always worked for me when I followed them.

Being On Time:

Take the slowest amount of time it takes to get to your destination and give yourself at least twice, if not three times that to get there. If it takes 10 minutes to get to work, give yourself at least 20, if not 30. Leave at the 30 minute mark if you can, but drop everything and go at the 20 minute mark. This accounts for traffic and those days when green lights hate you. If you’re not ready by the 20 minute mark, you’re wrong. Wake up earlier, drop a task, or wake up earlier (and go to sleep sooner).

Shower:

If you’re not used to taking showers under 10 minutes, have never been in the military, or in a military school environment, there’s a simple trick for you. Pick your favorite song and play it loudly during your shower. When the song ends, so does your shower. That’s enough time to shampoo your hair and wash your nasty body with soap.

Clothes:

Lay out your uniform in one neat, folded pile in one corner and your workout clothes opposite of them the night before. Follow the basic order below. If you’re showered, your bed’s clean, and you find yourself pressed for time or sleep, sleep in your gym clothes. If you’re pressed for time and sleep, sleep in either your gym clothes or uniform. Though I recommend doing your best to not sleep in your uniform if you don’t have to (it gets wrinkles and your sleep is not as good).

Shirt on top of

Shorts on top of

Underwear (if you’re not already wearing it) on top of

Socks on top of

Shoes

Ideally, all you have to do when you wake up is put on your clothes and start your day.

Breakfast:

If you’re cooking breakfast, stage your cooking utensils and plates the night before. I eat steak for breakfast. So every night, I leave a pan on the stove, a plate with a fork and knife next to it, and a glass ready to be filled with orange juice next to them. When I wake up, after I shower, I pop a piece of butter on the pan and turn on the stove to warm up and melt the butter. In between various stages of getting dressed I come back, put on the meat, turn it over, salt it with garlic salt, and then get it on the plate shortly after I’m fully dressed.

If you take supplements, medicine, or some other type of pill, have it ready by a glass or a bottle of water the night before. It can steal a precious minute or two, to get this ready in the morning.

When it comes to cleaning, give yourself time to clean your plates, utensils, and other cooking implements right after you’re done eating. Right after you’re done eating is the time it will be the quickest to clean, before all that grime hardens and sets in. Also – peace of mind because who wants to come home to dirty dishes?

Work:

Finish all your tasks/homework at night. Whilst you can wake up extra early to finish work, it’s a fool’s errand to rely on that. Gather all your thoughts and check over your tasks the night before, so that when you get to work you already know what you need to do.

Naps:

Don’t do it. Get the hell out of bed. As soon as you’re up, the worst part is over. Don’t get back in.

Alarm:

Backwards plan. Take the time you want to be out the door by, and calculate how much time it takes to get out all your morning stuff done (work out, shower, change, cook, eat, clean, etc). Ideally, don’t plan as if you can save time by multi-tasking. Then set your alarm for that time, plus 10 minutes ahead of the time you want to leave by.

So, if you want to leave by 0610,  and it takes you 10 minutes to get dressed, wake up at 0550.

Set to alarms in case one fails. Also, set an alarm for the time you have to leave the house, if need be.

~Wald

The Wrong Lesson

When I was younger, in 9th grade, I became infatuated with a Turkish gal who later got the nickname ‘Turkish Delight’, from a poem I wrote about her (out of a dozen or so!). I spent the whole year of 9th grade thinking about her, and when she discovered I liked her, she decided she didn’t really want to talk to me or hang out with me. I was crushed and it took me quite a while to recover from that, move on, and be interested in other girls like a normal human being.

I remember distinctly one day, whilst in the car with my parents, after much thought, thinking I came up with the answer.

What answer? Why the answer to my problem – a broken heart.

I proudly announced to my parents that I knew the answer, “The best way to not get hurt is to never fall in love.”

Without missing a beat my Father told me that was the exact wrong answer to gleam from my situation. Rather than never falling in love, the correct answer was in fact to be more discriminating with regards to with whom one falls in love with.

Of course I thought I was right, even if I admitted that my Dad was usually right about everything.

It’s funny, because it took me almost 9 years to remember this incident and to have learned the lesson for myself. It really makes me wonder what other wisdom that my parents passed on to me that I just…didn’t hear or listen to.

Makes me all the more grateful they’re still around.

~Wald

My Biggest Hurdle

My biggest hurdle in life, has always been myself.

I’m self-indulgent. Lazy. Prone to procrastinate. A perfectionist, prone to never even start a project (or finish it) if I don’t like the results.

Until last year October, until now, I’ve never had to deal with it directly.

I went to military school from grades 6th-8th. I thrived in the structured environment. Went from a messy room to nearly spotless, from C’s and D’s to straight A’s. Not being accomplished in sport to finding a place on a couple of teams – mostly for my taste for hitting the other side (football, wrestling, lacrosse). During the summer at home, I was a lazy couch potato who played video games most of the day, slept odd hours, ate junk food and whatever I liked. I stayed skinny and in shape because of my youthful metabolism, free energy from youth, and a generous helping of home cooking to counteract the bad food.

In high school, I went to a boarding school for four years (9th-12th). I thrived in the structured environment. I played in a sport almost every semester and was in the gym when I wasn’t playing a sport. At one point, (mostly 9th and 10th grade), I ran 10 miles twice a week. I played rugby. I ran cross country. I ran track. Trying my best to get into West Point, I had a PT schedule my father helped me come up with over the summer and I followed that schedule through my 12th grade year and later through college.

In college, I had to PT twice a week with ROTC, and often had other occasions where I had to ruck or march or run or something else. As the years in college went on, I was required to do less and less, but never less than PT tests and the two days of PT. This sustained me at good enough physical condition  to the end of college. After I was rejected by West Point a second time, due two C’s out of A’s and B’s in my first semester in college, I didn’t have the motivation to really get physically fitter as I once did. I just figured I’d always be in shape and had never made any new goals after I surpassed 100 push ups in two minutes. Pulling my hamstring my last semester of college put me out of the loop for a bit, but in the end, I was able to keep in APFT shape regardless.

At officer basic course, I came in and had to recycle because I wasn’t able to run 5 miles and ruck 12 miles in under 3 hours with a 47lb load. That meant 1.5 years spent in training instead of just 8 months. Because I had to improve my five mile time and my ruck march time. Even then, I had a little structure which helped me out.

What spurs my writing now is round 2, only the consequences are worse and I still don’t have an excuse. I’m at a unit. There’s less structure. I had hernia surgery end of September, couldn’t work out legally until halfway through October, and have found it difficult to force myself to run and workout to get myself back to a basic level of fitness.I’ve never really been good at pushing myself when no one is looking. Sure, during practice or PT session I’d push myself. Sometimes I’d call it hanging on for dear life.

But I’ve found it uncomfortably easy to lie to myself “I’ll do it later…I mean tomorrow. I mean the day after tomorrow”. It’s way easier to lie to myself than force myself to get out and get after it.

Today, I’m back in emergency mode because of an event coming up. I’m simultaneously praying that I don’t have to face the music and that the fire that’s beneath my feet never goes away. I pray that eventually I won’t need fire to my feet to get me to do what I do want to do, when I don’t want to do it.

So what the hell am I doing about this besides whining about it and making a bad situation worse by procrastinating more?

  1. I bet myself that I can’t run a total of 50 miles by the end of March*. (currently at 3/50**)
  2. I bet myself I can’t do more than a total of 2600 sit-ups by the end of March*. (currently at 130/2600)
  3. I bet myself that I can’t do a total of 2600 push ups by the end of March*. (currently at 190/2600)
  4. I bet myself that I can’t do more than 560 pull ups by the end of March*. (currently at 30/520)

I ran the first consecutive two miles in a row (under my own power) for the first time in longer than I care to admit. And completed my normal workout goals for the day.

Still, this isn’t the only thing I want to change about myself.***

~Wald

*Starting 4 March 2017 (Saturday)

** I really don’t like running.

***I don’t like this post. Didn’t want to write it. Not satisfied with it or writing quality. But here it is. Who knows, I might be back. If only to post everyday a tally of my miles, push-ups, etc…

A Holistic Guide to Suicide

This is a review for Ace‘s book, A Holistic Guide to Suicide:

Kindle / Paperback

Perhaps, the easiest way for me to start telling you about this book is by telling you what it is not. Firstly, it is by no means a book on how to commit suicide – quite the opposite in fact. Secondly, it’s neither feel good pablum or platitudes nor 60 pages of writing stretched into 119, with creative spacing and font sizes. Lastly, this book was not given to me for free, in hopes of spurring me to write a review. I don’t get any affiliate fees, either. I’m reviewing this book because I enjoy the author’s writing very much, have gained immense value from reading it and corresponding with him, and because I feel a need to spread his writing as far and wide as I can. I’ve already bought a copy for myself and a friend, and will likely buy two-five more. As of right now, I’m strapped for cash, so my free book give away will occur sometime in February or March.

This book does three things:

1) It correctly assesses why you picked up the book – you’re ill or have been visited by some calamity
2) It explains why our world today is messed up as it is and why this may have lead to said calamity, made it worse, or helped make a calamity out of something small
3) It tells you how you could pick up the pieces of your life and where to go from there (in part by telling you what you should not do and why

My one and only “complaint” with this book is that I’m not amongst the audience for which it is intended. I knew this both before and after I had bought the book. I’m still glad I bought it. And in fact, I know two-three people for whom I’ll buy a copy.

But that’s the thing about Ace’s writing. Sooner or later, you’ll need it.

It’s only a matter of timing.

~Wald

What me, weary?

I’m hungry.

I’m thirsty.

And I have surgery in less than an hour.

I tell everyone I’m not worried yet I do my best to keep my mind off surgery until the last possible moment.

I tell them that I don’t worry for two reasons:

  1. If the army breaks me, the army will attempt to fix me. Or pay me for my troubles.
  2. Surgery will happen. Worrying about it won’t make the quality of work done any better.

So I don’t..

Yet I feel compelled, after reading 80 proof scrawl of a wise man spilling his guts out for all to see, to write down my brief thoughts.

I’m such a hypocrite. Or am I liar?

what-me-weary-sbp

~Wald

Don’t Change Yer Hair I Says

A while back this year, sometime in either April or May, I had been talking to this charming, young lass, who lives in England. I had become acquainted with her through a pen-pal program, and was delighted to find she had a brain between her ears, such that conversation with her was almost good as she (I later discovered) looks.

Whilst discussing various topics with her, I’ve come onto a different way of arguing my points. It’s probably not new, but here’s a tame subject to demonstrate a little bit of what I mean.
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It’s hard for me to articulate how I argued here, so I’ll leave it by itself, with you to judge how things went and why.

~Wald

No Man’s Sky Suggestions

No Man's Sky Suggestions (SBP 2)

I’ve been playing the game No Man’s Sky since it came out on PS4 yesterday. So far, it’s a fascinating game.

The basic idea is that you start out, crashed landed on a planet, and must find and extract the proper resources to fix your equipment and eventually your spaceship, before you zoom out into space or around the planet to do whatever you want. There are places of interest that either have items you can sell, use, or blueprints for new technology. There are a variety of ships you can have that range from more fighter types all the way to cargo ships.

While playing today, I thought of a few ideas and wanted to “quickly jot” them down here before I forget. I hope someone, somewhere will read my ideas and maybe implement them too. Or someone else will think the same things, see that I too think them, and be encouraged to share those ideas with more people. This is mostly meant to be a single player game with supposedly limitless scope (over a quintillion planets and hundreds of thousands, if not millions of galaxies. Chances of encountering other players is quite low.

I remember reading several people complaining about lack of multiplayer and lack of pvp combat. While it’s still early in the game’s release (it’s not even out on PC until August 12th), and I haven’t beat the game (heh) or discovered everything there is about it, I’ve had a few ideas on how to expand it. Of course, many of my ideas (I hope) will be redundant or (unavoidably) impractical.

Ship Types/Planet Types/Factions/Etc:

My first thought is that they should expand the ideas of planets, ships, and factions.

I think there should be exploration of not only planets, but the water, and perhaps even burrowing or going underground, possibly going into a planets core to obtain the most valuable prizes. Winter planets, volcano planets, poisonous planets, etc. Fortress planets, inhabited by various factions that fight for control over the planet.

It would be awesome if there’s factions on planets and if they fought incessantly. And if there was expanded interaction between ships planet-side and combat.

Expansion of ship types? I think there should be a new expanded system. I think there should be fighters, bombers, carriers, submarines, transports, and miners. For fighters and bombers, I think there should be versions that are meant for space flight and space combat and then fighters and bombers meant for combat in the air of a planet (to attack bases, planes, people planetside). Perhaps an ultimate tier of fighter bomber could be good in both environments but more on that later. Carriers I’d like to have so that one could have a ship that can carry multiple ships, so that you can own and operate different kinds of ships at different times.  Transports are self explanatory (carries a shit ton of goods), miners are meant for mining either asteroids or things on the planet and can burrow into ground on some versions, and submarines are good for water and naval warfare.

It would be great if one could build bases and even upgrade storage facilities for resources and ships, and build fortifications and artillery cannons.  Which can be attacked by hostile natives.

Multiplayer

So the basic premise of my idea is that for all the galaxies there are in the game, there will be designated multiplayer galaxies. They look the same to everyone, are located in the same place in everyone’s galaxy map. Nine, in fact, arranged in a grid pattern like below:

No Man's Sky Suggestions (SBP)

The red planets are PVP zones where anything goes. The green planets are multiplayer planets where people can interact, but no combat takes place. Each galaxy has about 5-20 planets and the middle galaxy has about 100. For now, we’ll just talk about PVP planets (red). Players can set up fortresses and trading posts on planets and compete for control of planets. In trading posts, people could post on bulletin boards: need X resource, will play Y amount. A person could read the bulletin, click offfer to take deal. The person who posted the bulletin can either hit agree or disagree. If agree is hit, then a certain amount of the buyer’s money is earmarked and can’t be spent. That leaves the seller (or guy who will get these resources) to obtain the materials and then send them to the buyer as soon as he has them. The transaction can be automatic without requiring two players to ever actually meet, because…alien technology.

People can sell ships, exosuit upgrades, multitool upgrades, ships for assembly (build a ship according to someone’s specifications). People can raid shops but then get marked with a bounty until they escape to a non-PVP galaxy (bounty can be contributed to and set by people who form factions (guilds)? Guilds can fight wars, forge alliances, and work towards common goals. Rare items can also be sold.

A lot of people may not like the possibility of PVP. To entice them, I’d make the planets in PVP settings to be rich resources that are twice to three times as effective and sell for two to three times as much on the market.

One could also arrange for rare weapons drops – only 1,000-10,00 available and people can fight over those.

Also is the possibility of stealth vs. unmasking stealth.

And that’s it for now. Sure – this is poor writing because it’s a brain dump and I’m starting to forget what I thought. But there it is.

-Wald

My Father On Doing the Right Thing, for the Right Reason

My Father On Doing the Right Thing, for the Right Reason (SBP)

I grew up with my Father telling me to do the right thing, for the right reason. For the longest time, I parroted it, not fully grasping the implications of it; i.e. what it truly meant and why it was important. Lately, that’s changed.

Since roughly last year October*, I’ve been on a new leg of my now 8 year long journey. That is – being able to live with who I am and slowly changing the parts of myself, with which I find difficult to live. As I’ve accumulated success and experience with women, I’ve not been the most moral or upright person. In fact, I describe it as having been a snake. I’ve not gone around selling people bridges or snake oil or gone around lying to everyone I know. But I have been very inwardly focused, selfish, and unfaithful when I dated. I lived almost entirely for myself, my own enjoyment, and my own satisfaction. If you ask me if I am or was a bad guy, I’d probably have a hard time giving you a straight answer. But what I can honestly say, is that on some level I was not satisfied with who I was. In fact, I was downright disappointed in who I had become. Though I attained success with women, it seemed as if I unwittingly traded something for it and came out worse for it. I’ve been trying to rectify that, by doing the right thing for the right reason, whether it meant telling a future girlfriend my past history or a current one, before we had sex, that I had HPV, and losing her in the process.

One of the ways my Father explained why he always sought to do the right thing for the right reason, was so that his conscience was clear no matter what happened. So that he had no trouble sleeping.  So that in his mind, he was at peace with himself, regardless of what happens. That’s not to say he’s rolled over in the name of his principles, but he has paid a high personal price at times, for this modus-operandi.

I’ve noticed while watching my Father is that his character is near unassailable; impossible to be assassinated. A reputation for doing the right thing, for the right reason, has formed his shield and sword, at times, when he’s had to battle unscrupulous people in the realm of business. In my own family, everyone assumes the best of my Father as he’s proved himself, time and time again. In my own eyes, I’ve not laid witness to him breaking his principles of doing the right thing for the right reason ever.

Lastly – it seems like doing the right thing for the right reason has a cost up front that makes it difficult to do. But as you keep doing the right thing for the right reason, the cost gets lower; it gets easier to do. Eventually it gets to the point where it’s habit, and the cost is near non-existent, as far as you’re concerned, for the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks, after enough time. In short, doing good rarely pays off in the short term, but pays handsomely in the long term.

Conversely, doing the wrong thing for the wrong reason carries a small cost, if any up front. But over time, it gets more and more costly. Often times, you do not know you’re paying for the negative consequences and outcomes until it stabs you in the back or bites you in the ass at the most inconvenient time (sounds like credit card debt). As you  get further and further set in your ways, you either reap what you have sown and it’s painful, or you can kick the can down the road, double down on your ways, only to pay up later, and even more than you can fathom. It’s a vicious cycle that’s difficult to get out of, as you pay a price no matter what. The hit to your reputation and the difficulty of changing habits, will be with you long after you make the right decision.

~Wald

*Inspired by the advise I’ve had in conversation with Ace and conversations I’ve had with my Father.

Why My Father Casts a Large Shadow

Why My Father Casts a Large Shadow (SBP)

For most of my life, my Father has cast a rather large shadow.

Strongman who may have competed in the Olympics, had he not blown out his shoulder over-training [correction coming soon – I know my memory’s tenuous on this one]

0-X in the navy. Stellar career.

CEO of this or that company. Took the company from millions of dollars in debt, months behind schedule, with little stockholder confidence left to under-budget, ahead of schedule, and confidence in the company restored. One such company was going to be broken into a bunch of smaller different companies on government order until he fixed it!

Four kids, a doting wife, and the respect of everyone who encounters him.

Not long ago – he told me his secret.

“Son, to get ahead, you’ve got to get good at doing things you don’t want to do when you don’t want to do them.”

Often times, if you don’t, you’ll find yourself doing more things you don’t want to do than before, at an even worse time.

~Wald