A Holistic Guide to Suicide

This is a review for Ace‘s book, A Holistic Guide to Suicide:

Kindle / Paperback

Perhaps, the easiest way for me to start telling you about this book is by telling you what it is not. Firstly, it is by no means a book on how to commit suicide – quite the opposite in fact. Secondly, it’s neither feel good pablum or platitudes nor 60 pages of writing stretched into 119, with creative spacing and font sizes. Lastly, this book was not given to me for free, in hopes of spurring me to write a review. I don’t get any affiliate fees, either. I’m reviewing this book because I enjoy the author’s writing very much, have gained immense value from reading it and corresponding with him, and because I feel a need to spread his writing as far and wide as I can. I’ve already bought a copy for myself and a friend, and will likely buy two-five more. As of right now, I’m strapped for cash, so my free book give away will occur sometime in February or March.

This book does three things:

1) It correctly assesses why you picked up the book – you’re ill or have been visited by some calamity
2) It explains why our world today is messed up as it is and why this may have lead to said calamity, made it worse, or helped make a calamity out of something small
3) It tells you how you could pick up the pieces of your life and where to go from there (in part by telling you what you should not do and why

My one and only “complaint” with this book is that I’m not amongst the audience for which it is intended. I knew this both before and after I had bought the book. I’m still glad I bought it. And in fact, I know two-three people for whom I’ll buy a copy.

But that’s the thing about Ace’s writing. Sooner or later, you’ll need it.

It’s only a matter of timing.


What me, weary?

I’m hungry.

I’m thirsty.

And I have surgery in less than an hour.

I tell everyone I’m not worried yet I do my best to keep my mind off surgery until the last possible moment.

I tell them that I don’t worry for two reasons:

  1. If the army breaks me, the army will attempt to fix me. Or pay me for my troubles.
  2. Surgery will happen. Worrying about it won’t make the quality of work done any better.

So I don’t..

Yet I feel compelled, after reading 80 proof scrawl of a wise man spilling his guts out for all to see, to write down my brief thoughts.

I’m such a hypocrite. Or am I liar?



Don’t Change Yer Hair I Says

A while back this year, sometime in either April or May, I had been talking to this charming, young lass, who lives in England. I had become acquainted with her through a pen-pal program, and was delighted to find she had a brain between her ears, such that conversation with her was almost good as she (I later discovered) looks.

Whilst discussing various topics with her, I’ve come onto a different way of arguing my points. It’s probably not new, but here’s a tame subject to demonstrate a little bit of what I mean.





















































































It’s hard for me to articulate how I argued here, so I’ll leave it by itself, with you to judge how things went and why.


No Man’s Sky Suggestions

No Man's Sky Suggestions (SBP 2)

I’ve been playing the game No Man’s Sky since it came out on PS4 yesterday. So far, it’s a fascinating game.

The basic idea is that you start out, crashed landed on a planet, and must find and extract the proper resources to fix your equipment and eventually your spaceship, before you zoom out into space or around the planet to do whatever you want. There are places of interest that either have items you can sell, use, or blueprints for new technology. There are a variety of ships you can have that range from more fighter types all the way to cargo ships.

While playing today, I thought of a few ideas and wanted to “quickly jot” them down here before I forget. I hope someone, somewhere will read my ideas and maybe implement them too. Or someone else will think the same things, see that I too think them, and be encouraged to share those ideas with more people. This is mostly meant to be a single player game with supposedly limitless scope (over a quintillion planets and hundreds of thousands, if not millions of galaxies. Chances of encountering other players is quite low.

I remember reading several people complaining about lack of multiplayer and lack of pvp combat. While it’s still early in the game’s release (it’s not even out on PC until August 12th), and I haven’t beat the game (heh) or discovered everything there is about it, I’ve had a few ideas on how to expand it. Of course, many of my ideas (I hope) will be redundant or (unavoidably) impractical.

Ship Types/Planet Types/Factions/Etc:

My first thought is that they should expand the ideas of planets, ships, and factions.

I think there should be exploration of not only planets, but the water, and perhaps even burrowing or going underground, possibly going into a planets core to obtain the most valuable prizes. Winter planets, volcano planets, poisonous planets, etc. Fortress planets, inhabited by various factions that fight for control over the planet.

It would be awesome if there’s factions on planets and if they fought incessantly. And if there was expanded interaction between ships planet-side and combat.

Expansion of ship types? I think there should be a new expanded system. I think there should be fighters, bombers, carriers, submarines, transports, and miners. For fighters and bombers, I think there should be versions that are meant for space flight and space combat and then fighters and bombers meant for combat in the air of a planet (to attack bases, planes, people planetside). Perhaps an ultimate tier of fighter bomber could be good in both environments but more on that later. Carriers I’d like to have so that one could have a ship that can carry multiple ships, so that you can own and operate different kinds of ships at different times.  Transports are self explanatory (carries a shit ton of goods), miners are meant for mining either asteroids or things on the planet and can burrow into ground on some versions, and submarines are good for water and naval warfare.

It would be great if one could build bases and even upgrade storage facilities for resources and ships, and build fortifications and artillery cannons.  Which can be attacked by hostile natives.


So the basic premise of my idea is that for all the galaxies there are in the game, there will be designated multiplayer galaxies. They look the same to everyone, are located in the same place in everyone’s galaxy map. Nine, in fact, arranged in a grid pattern like below:

No Man's Sky Suggestions (SBP)

The red planets are PVP zones where anything goes. The green planets are multiplayer planets where people can interact, but no combat takes place. Each galaxy has about 5-20 planets and the middle galaxy has about 100. For now, we’ll just talk about PVP planets (red). Players can set up fortresses and trading posts on planets and compete for control of planets. In trading posts, people could post on bulletin boards: need X resource, will play Y amount. A person could read the bulletin, click offfer to take deal. The person who posted the bulletin can either hit agree or disagree. If agree is hit, then a certain amount of the buyer’s money is earmarked and can’t be spent. That leaves the seller (or guy who will get these resources) to obtain the materials and then send them to the buyer as soon as he has them. The transaction can be automatic without requiring two players to ever actually meet, because…alien technology.

People can sell ships, exosuit upgrades, multitool upgrades, ships for assembly (build a ship according to someone’s specifications). People can raid shops but then get marked with a bounty until they escape to a non-PVP galaxy (bounty can be contributed to and set by people who form factions (guilds)? Guilds can fight wars, forge alliances, and work towards common goals. Rare items can also be sold.

A lot of people may not like the possibility of PVP. To entice them, I’d make the planets in PVP settings to be rich resources that are twice to three times as effective and sell for two to three times as much on the market.

One could also arrange for rare weapons drops – only 1,000-10,00 available and people can fight over those.

Also is the possibility of stealth vs. unmasking stealth.

And that’s it for now. Sure – this is poor writing because it’s a brain dump and I’m starting to forget what I thought. But there it is.


My Father On Doing the Right Thing, for the Right Reason

My Father On Doing the Right Thing, for the Right Reason (SBP)

I grew up with my Father telling me to do the right thing, for the right reason. For the longest time, I parroted it, not fully grasping the implications of it; i.e. what it truly meant and why it was important. Lately, that’s changed.

Since roughly last year October*, I’ve been on a new leg of my now 8 year long journey. That is – being able to live with who I am and slowly changing the parts of myself, with which I find difficult to live. As I’ve accumulated success and experience with women, I’ve not been the most moral or upright person. In fact, I describe it as having been a snake. I’ve not gone around selling people bridges or snake oil or gone around lying to everyone I know. But I have been very inwardly focused, selfish, and unfaithful when I dated. I lived almost entirely for myself, my own enjoyment, and my own satisfaction. If you ask me if I am or was a bad guy, I’d probably have a hard time giving you a straight answer. But what I can honestly say, is that on some level I was not satisfied with who I was. In fact, I was downright disappointed in who I had become. Though I attained success with women, it seemed as if I unwittingly traded something for it and came out worse for it. I’ve been trying to rectify that, by doing the right thing for the right reason, whether it meant telling a future girlfriend my past history or a current one, before we had sex, that I had HPV, and losing her in the process.

One of the ways my Father explained why he always sought to do the right thing for the right reason, was so that his conscience was clear no matter what happened. So that he had no trouble sleeping.  So that in his mind, he was at peace with himself, regardless of what happens. That’s not to say he’s rolled over in the name of his principles, but he has paid a high personal price at times, for this modus-operandi.

I’ve noticed while watching my Father is that his character is near unassailable; impossible to be assassinated. A reputation for doing the right thing, for the right reason, has formed his shield and sword, at times, when he’s had to battle unscrupulous people in the realm of business. In my own family, everyone assumes the best of my Father as he’s proved himself, time and time again. In my own eyes, I’ve not laid witness to him breaking his principles of doing the right thing for the right reason ever.

Lastly – it seems like doing the right thing for the right reason has a cost up front that makes it difficult to do. But as you keep doing the right thing for the right reason, the cost gets lower; it gets easier to do. Eventually it gets to the point where it’s habit, and the cost is near non-existent, as far as you’re concerned, for the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks, after enough time. In short, doing good rarely pays off in the short term, but pays handsomely in the long term.

Conversely, doing the wrong thing for the wrong reason carries a small cost, if any up front. But over time, it gets more and more costly. Often times, you do not know you’re paying for the negative consequences and outcomes until it stabs you in the back or bites you in the ass at the most inconvenient time (sounds like credit card debt). As you  get further and further set in your ways, you either reap what you have sown and it’s painful, or you can kick the can down the road, double down on your ways, only to pay up later, and even more than you can fathom. It’s a vicious cycle that’s difficult to get out of, as you pay a price no matter what. The hit to your reputation and the difficulty of changing habits, will be with you long after you make the right decision.


*Inspired by the advise I’ve had in conversation with Ace and conversations I’ve had with my Father.

Why My Father Casts a Large Shadow

Why My Father Casts a Large Shadow (SBP)

For most of my life, my Father has cast a rather large shadow.

Strongman who may have competed in the Olympics, had he not blown out his shoulder over-training [correction coming soon – I know my memory’s tenuous on this one]

0-X in the navy. Stellar career.

CEO of this or that company. Took the company from millions of dollars in debt, months behind schedule, with little stockholder confidence left to under-budget, ahead of schedule, and confidence in the company restored. One such company was going to be broken into a bunch of smaller different companies on government order until he fixed it!

Four kids, a doting wife, and the respect of everyone who encounters him.

Not long ago – he told me his secret.

“Son, to get ahead, you’ve got to get good at doing things you don’t want to do when you don’t want to do them.”

Often times, if you don’t, you’ll find yourself doing more things you don’t want to do than before, at an even worse time.


My Father On Communication

My Father On Communication

I credit my Father with my advanced (for my age) ability to articulate my thoughts and ideas effectively.

He taught me early on the value of good communication and himself gives it credit, for a large part of his success in life. As he tends to cast a very large shadow, with little apparent effort, I believe him.

One of the core ideas that he told me early on, was the idea of reverse-engineering. Similar to reverse psychology, it involves taking a sentence that one speaks, pretending one is now the listening, and discerning all the ways such a sentence could be understood. Supposedly, if someone is a level 10 communicator, what they say could be taken 10 different ways*. If someone is a level 50 communicator, what they say could be taken 5 different ways. If someone is a level 90 communicator, what they say could be taken 2 different ways. At level 100, if you follow the analogy, what you say could be taken but one way: the way you meant it.

And if you think about it – this concept is not a new one. Rather it’s one that’s not often reflected upon, at least not directly, When someone tells you to “consider your audience”, as is common advice for writing a speech, they’re telling you figure out where someone comes from. That way, knowing a certain few particulars about an audience, you can narrow down the ways they might interpret things you say. Knowing your audience can raise you anywhere from 5 to 10 to even 20 points on the 100-point communicator level scale**.

Politicians and public personalities, be they government, military, or private, all are dearly acquainted with this concept. Should one person let the wrong thing slip or say something slightly wrong – and boom – they’re under fire. At least, only metaphorically, unless you don’t live in a ‘free’ country. Nowadays, however, with the advent of political incorrectness, the average person is becoming familiar with this idea whether they like it or not, lest they draw the ire of the politically crowd SJW mob.

Finally – the most important point is that the responsibility always lies on the speaker, the writer, not the listener, or reader, for comprehension. No one can know the speaker’s mind, so it is up to the speaker to articulate himself as clearly and concisely as possible. Should the listener not understand the speaker in the manner desired, it’s the speaker’s responsibility to correct that. Rightly, or wrongly, that’s just the way things are.


*This applies to actions too.

**Fictional scale that my Father made up to explain his point.

My Father

The biggest inspiration in my life has always been and always will be my own father. He’s my first and last role model and the lynch-pin of my family.

I remember at an early age, sitting at the dinner table at a family friend’s home, catching myself imitating his mannerisms, without even thinking about it. When he crossed his arms, I’d cross my arms. When he sighed, I sighed. When he laughed I laughed.

I’ve watched, slowly, as I’ve become him more each year. I have his habit of over-explaining things, usually because the average person I talk to requires it. I’ve watched as I’ve sought to minimize risk, and eliminate it, when prudent, as he does and has advised me. I’ve slowly picked up on his values and bit by bit am adopting them as my own. Loyalty and honesty are what my Father values above all else, save his own family.

Hell, even my mentors share my Father’s values and one in particular, who’s like a Father to me, even shares an eerily similar backstory.

Should I grow up to become even half the man he is, my life will probably be a success close to my wildest dreams.

In honor of him, I’ll post about him this week, if not every day, at least today, Wednesday, and Friday.


Requiescat In Pace

Earlier this week, I found out that an old friend of mine, Mitch Sturges, committed suicide.

Requiescat in pace 0 (SBP)

I hadn’t had a good conversation with him since April last year, and now I feel terrible about that. I didn’t leave things on a good note, and now I’ll never have the chance to.

The least I can do, however, is tell a piece of Mitch’s story, and why he is important to me.

Four years ago, first serious girlfriend, who I’d been dating long distance for a little over a year, broke up with me right before my final exams. I was devastated. Morose. Hopeless. This was to be the true beginning of my journey. Had I not had help, I shudder to think of what might have been.

Mitch, was that help. I’d been reading his blog, Veritas Aculeus – The Truth Hurts, for months in 2011. After reading a post of his about his dealings with a submissive lawyeress, I emailed him asking for advice about that. He was Simon Rierdon, then.

Requiescat in pace 8 (SBP)

A while later – I emailed him asking for help, after my girlfriend had broken up with me. I was inconsolable. My parents offered their sympathies and some help, but there was only so much they could do. I didn’t know where else to which I could turn.

Requiescat in pace 1 (SBP)

Requiescat in pace 2 (SBP)

Requiescat in pace 3 (SBP)

Requiescat in pace 4 (SBP)

Between May 2012 and December 2012, Mitch and I exchanged at least 72 emails, most of which I sent.

He took me under his wing, answered all of my questions. Messed with my head a little. Called me on the phone, took my calls. We’d often have phone conversations that would last three hours or more. Eventually, he switched over from Veritas Aculeus to Apocalypse Cometh and remade himself as Bill Powell. He would comment on my fledgling blog, in various names, offering encouragement and advice. He would link to my blog, sending views to my way. He’d talk about posts he liked, I’d talk about posts of his I liked. Hell, he even offered my blog legal protection. The copyright of my blog, the “footer”, which I need to update, was his own:

Requiescat in pace 7 (SBP)

Talking to him gave me a sense of hope I had lost, and made me feel like I was not crazy. That was a feeling I hadn’t felt in a long time.

He introduced me to a lot of different blogs and got me in touch with a variety of different people, Dr. Illusion, Matt Forney, being one of them. He encouraged me to reach out to many more, as I had been doing before.

There’s another thing I must give him credit for. My [relatively] newfound love and respect for my parents.

In December 2012, we had a long phone call where Mitch told about his father passing and how he regretted not telling his old man he loved him a little more. He instructed that I ask my parents if they loved me and make sure they knew I loved them. Despite the fact that my family is not big on emotions, I took his advice. After the phone call, I promptly asked my mother.

“Mom, do you love me?”

“Of course I do, Son.”

“I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too.”

I then tracked my Father down and asked him.

“Dad, do you love me?

“Is it not obvious, after all your mother and I have done for you?”*

“I guess, I just haven’t heard you say it in a while.”

“I used to say it a lot, when you were younger. You don’t remember.”

“I love you, Dad.”

“I love you too, Son.”

Given that I was watching a movie with my parents when I took the call from Mitch (which lasted for about 1 hour), I was unsurprised with my Father’s response. Though it may look a little unreasonable or uncaring, it was not. I’ll have to tell you another story, some other time about my Father to explain the asterisk.

Since then, I’ve learned more about my parents. Talked with them more. Talked with them about my blog and various posts I’ve written. My love and respect for that has only grown since then. I give credit to Mitch for helping me take the first step on that path. Now, I am free to say, that were either of my parents to die tomorrow, morose and devastated as I’d be, I’d not sit in a corner, with a bottle of Jack and regrets as my only company. It’s a comfort, especially now, as my Mother recovers still from a stroke that nearly took her from me over a year ago.

Mitch, in his own way was one of the forefathers to the manosphere. In his own way, he was a like a father to me. He was the first one to reach out to me. He was the first one there for me, at times when no one else was. I miss him already. I only wish that the last thing I said to him, was the thanks he deserved.

I love you, Mitch. Raise hell, up there.

Requiescat in pace 6 (SBP)

Requiesce in pace, frater.


Why They Didn’t Get the Vote

Imagine the hottest or prettiest girl you know. Enough that you’d want have 101 dalmatians…er, babies and then some with her. Think about it long and hard. Focus on all the details of her face, her curves, edges…

Why They Didn't Get the Vote (SBP)

…stop touching yourself, you pervert.

Now think.

She’s never wanted for food, water, or shelter. A different man buys her dinner every night. Another man buys her drinks. A third man repairs her car for free, at the speed of text. Not to mention she didn’t buy that car and rarely if ever even pumps her own gas, let alone does any other maintenance by herself. Hell, in today’s world, men will even cook for her.

Besides wiping her own ass and dressing herself, there’s not much that actually does for herself…or even needs to.

Now ask yourself. How firm a grip on…reality do you think she truly has? How well, do you think she truly understands how things work or what it takes to get things done? If you took away her beauty…how well do you think she’d perform in the real world, all by herself?

Now think of the average woman. Not a smokeshow, but cute enough, with a sweet personality.

Why They Didn't Get the Vote 2 (SBP)

Now, think about it and be honest. How much would that girl truly do for herself that someone else wouldn’t happily do for herself?

…and that’s why women didn’t have the vote.