Blog Notice: Technical Difficulties

Since roughly October, my blog has had technical difficulties. Often times, I will post a comment in reply or submit a blog post and get a blank page that reads something like

“Fatal error: Allowed memory size of 268435456 bytes exhausted (tried to allocate 72 bytes) in /home1/oconnete/public_html/wp-includes/wp-db.php on line 2347”

I’ve neglected to fix the issue as I neglected to post much since mid November and saw no need. Now, I plan to post regularly once more. If you comment, please copy your comment, in case my blog eats it. I’ll do what I can to fix my blog this weekend and report on Monday next week.

~Wald

Random Facts about Walderschmidt

I’ve been reading Tom Arrow’s blog, Man Without a Father for some time now. I’ve decided that I’m going to shamelessly rip-off one of his post ideas because I want to write a post, but have nothing I can publish just yet.

So here goes nothing. Random facts about myself:

1. Since I was four years old, I’ve wanted to be in the military. I’ve got a family legacy of service. My great-grandfather chased Pancho Villa across Mexico in the US Cavalry. My grandfather served in Darby’s 5th Rangers on D-Day and the rest of WW2. My father spent 27 years in the Navy as a Naval Aviator and my brother was an Officer in the Army for 8 years.

2. I’ve traveled to over 30 countries.

3. I’ve moved house 16 times, been to 10 different schools, and have lived in 4 different countries.

4. I was sent to military school in middle school at sixth grade, as I was lazy, didn’t do my homework, didn’t clean my room, and made bad grades despite doing well on tests. When I got to military school, I made straight As for three years and graduated Valedictorian of my class with an overall GPA of 96.7. The saludictorian actually made better grades than I but deliberately sabotaged himself in hopes of not even earning a GPA high enough that he’d have to speak at graduation.

5. I lived in 4 different countries.

6. I started learning German in eighth grade. I like to tell people that German was my second love, after Japanese. I had started learning about Japanese in sixth grade until I discovered German two years later and never looked back.

7. I’ve been in a boarding school situation for 11 years straight (3 years military middle school, four years of boarding school, four years of military university).

8. I’m in the military.

9. Without modern medicine and good genes, I would have died at childbirth.

10. I can play three songs on the piano by heart: Cantata 147, Moonlight Sonata, and Mad World, but I cannot read sheet music.

11. I’d had about about 6 or 7 different best friends in my life. I only really keep in touch with one at this point – and he is a thought criminal like I am. I consider him a brother; I’d give my life for him and his and I know he’d do the same for me.

12. I’m a voracious reader and always have been. I believe it started when my parents used to read me bedtime stories when I was little. When I first discovered the manosphere I read EVERYTHING. Went through the entire Roissy (now Heartiste), Roosh, and the Spearhead archives. Read all of In Mala Fide and so forth and so on. I read less now, as it seems there’s less I read that is new or different to what I’ve previously read. One of my more proud accomplishments is reading 10 years of one man‘s writing within a month.Suck on that, Hooked on Phonics!

13. I’ve spent 11 years of my life in a boarding school environment – 3 years in military middle school, 4 years in highschool, and then 4 years of military university.

14. There are times where nothing can shake my focus, save the end of the task at hand. Frustratingly, the times where I can hardly focus on anything are more frequent.

15. I’ve realized in the last year/year and a half/two years that family is probably the most important thing to me.

16. To an extent, I can talk about this stuff with my parents and my best friend and as time goes by I notice I can get away with a lot of stuff around people if I just tell them I’m not politically correct. But it’s rare that I meet someone with a open mind I can tell anything.I’m very lucky that I have the parents that I do and a best friend who’s as much of a thought criminal as I am. I almost had a girlfriend (adopted girl from Russia) who was a thought criminal too – it didn’t last – but that’s neither here nor there.

Despite this – I still feel lonely at times. That scares me a little, honestly because though I can’t imagine it, I know that guys who don’t have one or either of those surely have it worse. So I don’t talk about it, generally.

17. I credit pouring over a lot of manosphere articles with my parents circa 2010-2012 as part of the reason I never went through a phase where I was bitter towards women.

18. It’s only in the past three years that I’ve come to seriously appreciate my parents, “warts and all”, with the benefit of a grown up perspective. I’m extremely grateful that I let them both know this over a year ago, as now I live in constant fear that one of them may lose the will to cling to life at any moment. I’ll never sit alone with bottle, mad at myself for never letting them know how much I love and cherish them. I give C. M. Sturges credit for giving me advice which helped start that.

19. This blog has been discovered by one of my former girlfriends (see here for distinction of former girlfriend versus ex-girlfriend). I’ve shared it with my parents, several friends (my roommate being one of them), my best friend, and a girl and her mother; family friends who I’ve known for 14 years.

20. Though in my day to day life, few people are privy to the complete range of my thoughts and emotions, I have my moments where my life looks too bleak and a permanent sleep looks too good to pass up on. I credit my father telling me that “it’s the coward’s way out” and consequently realizing how many of my family members I’d hurt, were I to do it, for preventing me from passing before my time.

21. I once ran away from home into the woods in a fit of anger, in fourth grade. My mother was both worried and impressed because I had cleaned my room first.

22. As of 8. January this year, I’ve been writing for four years.

23. I’m the age at which my list ends.

~Wald

Writer’s Block Theme Park

tumblr_nk8hx2Bu7I1slwzpmo1_500Despite what appeared to be a good closeout to 2015 in October/November, my life’s gone back to the up-and-down roller coaster, only the highs are less high and the lows are more frequent.

This has made a profoundly negative impact on my will to write and sapped my inspiration.

The coldest comfort I have and could ever give to someone in a dark spot is that I know it will end. I just don’t know when or how.

~Wald

Poem of the Week: A Colder Winter

depressing cold

“No good deed goes unpunished, the Devil tells the sinner,

Repent all you like, enjoy a much colder winter,

 

The New Year passes by, with barely a peep,

And now it hangs over me, like a dream,

 

Sometimes as I drive, I drift in and out of sleep,

The good that thawed in me, begins again,

To freeze.”

 

~Wald

Random Thoughts: Biology is Not Racist

I recently saw this tweet:

Which was in response to ScarletLetter’s tweet below.

And I thought about it. People make arguments about how the races are biologically different and therefore more susceptible to different diseases, for example, how blacks tend to be more vulnerable to developing sickle cell anemia.  But surely there’s more to biological differences than just that…

Anonymous Conservative, with his theory of r/K selection posits that biological differences account for differences in political leanings, even within the same race.

What if genetics have a say on much more? Class? Low class? Upper class? Happiness or misery? Melancholy or whininess?

It makes sense to me that Christianity appeals to people, for the concept of redemption.

It also makes sense to me that biological realities are anathema to some people because they’re condemned with their lot in life. They just won’t change. And people will recognize that and give them that which they deserve.

In my mind, the idea of racial differences and biological differences is not what is truly scary to some people. It’s implications of such beyond what you first see. Cats that you can’t stuff back in the bag.

~Wald

Her Happiness Should Be Her Family

I recently read a disgusting article from Huffington Post:

‘I Left My Husband For Him, But He Didn’t Return The Favor’

The basic premise of the story is simple. Woman meets man. They marry. They have kids. Somehow she’s still not haaaaaaaappy.

A year ago, I was THAT mom — the one who seemed to have it all together, who had it all in some ways: two beautiful boys, a nice home, a good man and father to our kids. I cooked the meals and coordinated professional family photos, planned vacations, sent out Christmas cards, etc. I had a rigid schedule but made time to run and managed to be in decent physical shape.

But something was missing. In my marriage, I felt alone. Why wasn’t I happy?

I met my ex when I was seventeen. He was four years older than me and I was smitten. He had a job, a truck, and a house. He had it all together. We got along great so dating him while I was in college seemed like the right thing to do. And of course, after college the next step was marriage, right?

He was a hard worker and provided stability throughout the marriage. We had two beautiful boys and all seemed well — or was it?

After having our second child, I started to feel different. I hated the person I was and the wife and mother I had become. I did not feel good enough and I felt incredibly alone. I was unhappy.

…..

[Last paragraph]

I am learning to love myself and I am becoming a better mother because of it. I am now 30 and a single mom of two awesome kids. Am I lonely? Yes. But that is ok. I have learned so much about myself over the last 12 months I now know I deserve happiness and will not settle for anything less.

Something I noticed in this article? Complete lack of consideration of the kids, besides the cursory mention to emphasize how weird it was that she wasn’t happy despite having it all.

I’ve met one woman who told me her life dream was to have a family. This is not the first time she’s impressed me. She’s certainly not trying to, and it’s certainly not that impressive. But I was impressed nonetheless, because she’s the only woman I’ve met who’s expressed that, at my age.

A woman’s happiness should be her family.

The more women there are whose happiness is such, the less women who would throw it all away there will be.

~Wald

“Don’t follow me, because I am lost too…”

I remember reading something about Taoism and how Eastern Philosophers were different to Western Philosophers in that the main apparent difference between the two was their attitude towards their students – namely – Western ones exhorted their students to follow their examples. Eastern Philosophers, on the other hand, often told their students “don’t follow me”. *

I believe the point of the second was that in the end, no student truly was the teacher. Following exact methods would therefore not produce the same results. Instead, students were encouraged to own their newfound knowledge and make it their own. What do I mean by that?

I mean that at some point the student has to take off the training wheels and become an autodidact. At some point, they have to come up with their own ideas. Using someone else’s can only take you so far. Let this not be an attack against using someone else’s ideas, however. Newton himself, the father of modern calculus (along with another, less well known fellow), once said:

If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.

If you take the metaphor of a house, I encourage you to build upon a foundation that those who came before you have laid down. In time, your work, combined with your predecessors, will be a new foundation, upon which the next generation will build.

So.

Don’t follow me.

~Wald

* I could have remembered wrongly. I remain the right to be completely full of shit at any time. You have the right to remind me.