Why My Father Casts a Large Shadow

Why My Father Casts a Large Shadow (SBP)

For most of my life, my Father has cast a rather large shadow.

Strongman who may have competed in the Olympics, had he not blown out his shoulder over-training [correction coming soon – I know my memory’s tenuous on this one]

0-X in the navy. Stellar career.

CEO of this or that company. Took the company from millions of dollars in debt, months behind schedule, with little stockholder confidence left to under-budget, ahead of schedule, and confidence in the company restored. One such company was going to be broken into a bunch of smaller different companies on government order until he fixed it!

Four kids, a doting wife, and the respect of everyone who encounters him.

Not long ago – he told me his secret.

“Son, to get ahead, you’ve got to get good at doing things you don’t want to do when you don’t want to do them.”

Often times, if you don’t, you’ll find yourself doing more things you don’t want to do than before, at an even worse time.


My Father On Communication

My Father On Communication

I credit my Father with my advanced (for my age) ability to articulate my thoughts and ideas effectively.

He taught me early on the value of good communication and himself gives it credit, for a large part of his success in life. As he tends to cast a very large shadow, with little apparent effort, I believe him.

One of the core ideas that he told me early on, was the idea of reverse-engineering. Similar to reverse psychology, it involves taking a sentence that one speaks, pretending one is now the listening, and discerning all the ways such a sentence could be understood. Supposedly, if someone is a level 10 communicator, what they say could be taken 10 different ways*. If someone is a level 50 communicator, what they say could be taken 5 different ways. If someone is a level 90 communicator, what they say could be taken 2 different ways. At level 100, if you follow the analogy, what you say could be taken but one way: the way you meant it.

And if you think about it – this concept is not a new one. Rather it’s one that’s not often reflected upon, at least not directly, When someone tells you to “consider your audience”, as is common advice for writing a speech, they’re telling you figure out where someone comes from. That way, knowing a certain few particulars about an audience, you can narrow down the ways they might interpret things you say. Knowing your audience can raise you anywhere from 5 to 10 to even 20 points on the 100-point communicator level scale**.

Politicians and public personalities, be they government, military, or private, all are dearly acquainted with this concept. Should one person let the wrong thing slip or say something slightly wrong – and boom – they’re under fire. At least, only metaphorically, unless you don’t live in a ‘free’ country. Nowadays, however, with the advent of political incorrectness, the average person is becoming familiar with this idea whether they like it or not, lest they draw the ire of the politically crowd SJW mob.

Finally – the most important point is that the responsibility always lies on the speaker, the writer, not the listener, or reader, for comprehension. No one can know the speaker’s mind, so it is up to the speaker to articulate himself as clearly and concisely as possible. Should the listener not understand the speaker in the manner desired, it’s the speaker’s responsibility to correct that. Rightly, or wrongly, that’s just the way things are.


*This applies to actions too.

**Fictional scale that my Father made up to explain his point.

The 18, 40, 60 Rule

I am a completely different person now compared to who I was two years ago. And even then I was completely different person then compared to who I was two years further. I got to where I am because I know that I don’t have all the answers. When I ask for advice, I take it and use it as much as I can. I am where I am, because I’ve taken counsel of my father, brother, friends both in real life and on the manosphere (and I’ve been reading for two years longer than I’ve been blogging).

When I speak with people, they often guess that I am older than I really am. In person the guesses range between 5 to 7 years older than I really am. On the phone, sometimes the guesses get up to 19 years off base. I like to think this is because I have internalized advice I’ve sought for to the point where it is a part of me. Sometimes when I speak, I channel exact words my father once spoke to me. Other times, when I speak, I might as well being holding the Ace of Spades in my hands.

So let me share a piece of wisdom my father once share with me. It’s called the 18, 40, 60 Rule.


At 18 years old, you’re unsure of the world and as such care what other people think, and act accordingly.

At 40 years old, you decide that you don’t give a damn what everyone else thinks, you’re going to do what you want!

At 60 years old, you realize, no one was thinking about you anyway.


What part of the rule are you?