Category Archives: Scartissue

When She Slaps You

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The other night, walking to my friends house from Russian club, I invited a freshman girl to join us in a night of drinking and smoking (shisha). I’d known her for about a month and had a few interesting conversations. Besides one red flag about her parents, her views seemed slightly sympathetic to mine so I thought nothing of the invite, except whether my host would mind. Because this girl was a mutual friend of ours I figured it was fine.

I arrived with her and made myself a drink. She took up the whole couch and when she didn’t move, I contented myself by making a seat out of her stomach. My host, a junior, kept asking me in French:

C’est quoi ca?

And I’d always reply back to her with:

C’est rien.

The freshman I was sitting on wasn’t ugly, but she was a little pudgy. Her face was cute enough with sizeable tits but I was more interested in her freshmen friends. I had no intentions other than a platonic friendship. When she got up and then placed herself under my left arm, I could tell that maybe she thinks differently. No matter.

My best friend joined us that evening and proceeded to join in with drinking and smoking.

For some reason we were talking and then the freshman girl slapped me, softly. I slapped her back, with only a little force. She slapped me a second time and I stared her in the eyes.

“I’ll slap you again…” she says.

“I’ll slap you harder…,” I reply, “are you sure you want to play this game.”

“Oh you’re serious…I’m sorry.”

I walked up to make myself a drink and then sat back down, a little solemn. Soon after she left in order to “rescue her friend from boredom”. And the night’s merriment continued without delay. Eventually, my friend and I left to get back to barracks. He told me that he agreed with what I did and he didn’t know why I even invited the girl back to the Kremlin (name of our hangout) in the first place. He could tell she was trouble right from the start he said. On our way back we bumped into that very same freshman girl and her asian friend. She informed me that this was the friend who was visiting her in the same town in which I reside. Alcohol had started to take its toll on my mind, so I can’t remember if she was good looking or just plain.

I stumbled back into my room, played some chess, and passed out.

The next morning I got a text at 0757hrs:

Sorry for slapping you yesterday…

I replied at 1441hrs:

Don’t let it happen again and we’ll get along fine.

I’m not a fan of people touching my face; even girlfriends learn to do it certain way. I have zero tolerance for slapping, joking or otherwise. I always make it clear that I am perfectly willing to retaliate with full force. Thankfully, I’ve never had to exercise my “belief” in equality.

~Wald

Day 20 of #NoNothingNovember: Minor Setbacks

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An update on my progress and lack of it:

In terms of No-Fap. I failed. Last week, I had a girl send me nudes over the phone. A nice pair of tits. Normally, I’m an ass man – but that picture, after no-fap for nearly two eeks was too much. I sat down in a bathroom, and proceeded to ruin my streak not more than an hour after receiving nudes. Then I was studying hard on a Thursday, found myself awake in the wee hours of the morning. Bored and tired – I typed in a common website. After browsing it for not three minutes, I ruined my streak of No-Fap again.  I was pretty pissed after I realized what I’d done, but was too tired to care.

Minor Setback

As for not being lazy, I barely squeezed out three posts that week.

I had made up my mind to learn from it and try again for at least two weeks, but that failed again last night when I found myself in the same situation. I admit I’m disappointed, but I’ve already learned a few things.

1) If you don’t jerk it for a week, you’re automatically more horny. It comes across in your actions whether you like it or not, even if you know that you’re going to have sex in the near future (less than a week).

2) If you don’t jerk it for over a week, you’re more sensitive during sex. For me, this was a plus, because it takes me a while to come, often to the point where I get tired and wish (briefly) that I could be a two-pump chump every once and a while.

3) No-Fap is actually not that hard….as long as you can avoid pictures or videos about sex. Even though sex is everywhere in society, in a barracks environment, you can do just fine as long as you don’t get nudes on your phone and never…I mean never go onto a porn website. There have been a few times where I saw a porn website, browsed for a minute and got off it without problem. It’s possible. But most of the time, lack of release makes it too difficult stop yourself before you go too far.

As for not being lazy – turns out this month is busier than last month – so it’s a little hard to make time to post. But what makes it tough for me think of a post and write it, is apathy. After not writing for a long time, I’ve gotten out of the habit and don’t even think the way I did when I was more..ahem…prolific. Forcing myself to write has somewhat kicked started that thought process. And a few major changes in my life have given me a new sense of direction, which I may post about later. This week, I think I will be just fine with my posting. I may in fact exceed my goals.

So what now?

I am going to try to keep myself from fapping until at least the end of November. If I can do that, I may try to extend no-fap into December. Who knows; I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.

As for my two posts a week. I’m going to up the ante and go for three posts a week, starting next week.

~Wald

Improve Your Language Game (IYLG): Tip of the Week #1

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Want an easy way to improve your ability to speak in a language?

It’s simple. Learn how to sing a song in it. Learn about the song. Who composed it and why? You never know what you might learn.

For this December, I will learn how to sing Stille Nacht after TAPs in barracks.

Stille Nacht, heilige Nacht,
Alles schläft; einsam wacht
Nur das traute hochheilige Paar.
Holder Knabe im lockigen Haar,
Schlaf in himmlischer Ruh!
Schlaf in himmlischer Ruh!

Stille Nacht, heilige Nacht,
Hirten erst kundgemacht
Durch der Engel Halleluja,
Tönt es laut von fern und nah:
Christ, der Retter ist da!
Christ, der Retter ist da!

Stille Nacht, heilige Nacht,
Gottes Sohn, o wie lacht
Lieb’ aus deinem göttlichen Mund
, Da uns schlägt die rettende Stund’.
Christ, in deiner Geburt!
Christ, in deiner Geburt!

 

~Wald

Random Thoughts

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I’m learning Russian at a neighboring university to mine. My teacher hails from Ukraine and often has much to say about Putin and what’s going on in that part of the world. One day, she informs the class that we will be listening to a speaker talk about his time in Ukraine. He’ll lecture to us about his experiences, ask us questions, in Russian of course, and a teacher will translate all of it for us, including our responses. Our speaker was former military and apparently took part in the riots.

He then went on to tell us the story about there’s four countries. But let’s focus on two of them; the US and Canada. Both countries speak English and all is dandy. But then Canada decides its national language is now French and the US, headed by hypothetical president McCain, decides to declare war on Canada. He explains a few more details like how Russia is using cluster bombs and that’s against the Geneva convention and then asks the group on our opinions about the whole thing. He also said that they’re plagued by the lack of good intelligence; the Russians had drones and Satellites and could bombard the Ukrainians with impunity. With a lack of imaging information, the Ukrainians would fire back and hit nothing or civilians, as the Russians allegedly fired from between buildings in villages. Our speaker recounted how young soldiers could go off and train for months and then get to the frontlines and die in a hail of accurate artillery fire.

To my memory, the students who were non-ROTC all agreed that Russia was being bad, but didn’t offer much beyond that. So the Ukrainian man asked the commissioning students what they thought. One guy nearly fluent in Russian, believed we should put tanks in Kiev, point them at Moscow, but not shoot. Another cadet expressed concern about what would happen if the US got involved and that it might escalate things. Judging by the reaction, his was not an especially popular answer.

I was curious about clarifying a few things. My first remark was, “Ukraine should stop trusting the EU and the US, since they’re operating under the idea that Ukraine will receive assistance.”

I then asked if either Ukraine or Russia had signed the Geneva Convention.

Are you crazy? Of course they signed the Geneva Convention.

That was the response I got. So I decided to remain quite and do a little research with the aid of my friend’s smartphone. With a cursory search, I discovered that it was the Soviet Union and not the Russian Federation who signed the Geneva Convention, and then, not even all of it. So if we were to say that Russia in its current iteration didn’t sign the convention, then the complaint about the cluster bombs is about as meaningful as complaining that the Taliban don’t fight by the rules like gentlemen.

I then contemplated a possible solution to Ukraine’s lack of proper ability to gain visual contact on Russians so as to fire upon them. I remember the speaker talked about how the Ukrainian armed forces had trouble even building trenches, for the Russians would fire upon them as they worked.

Then a light bulb appeared to me.

If the Russians can see the Ukrainians but the Ukrainians can’t see them, there is a solution. If the Russian armed forces are really in Ukraine, the Ukrainians should have some Russian prisoners by now. If so, they should use them to build their trenches. If the Russians can see the Ukrainians as well as claimed, they should not fire upon their own people and thereby allow construction of defensive fortifications. If the Russians can’t see so well, they’ll fire upon the prisoners and kill their own people. The resulting press outrage should be enough to cool even the Russian people’s perception of their country’s war against Ukraine.

Does that solve the war? No. But it’s more solution than I’ve heard anybody else come up with yet so far*.

WiUk

~Wald

*It should go without saying that I have yet to hear everyone’s opinion and therefore, it’s entirely possible there’s a good solution out there that I’ve missed.

The Death of Another Great

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Let us mourn the death of a another great man.

An excerpt:

Belfield, originally from Utica, spent 16 years in the Army, including a stint in Europe where he fought in the Battle of the Bulge. He also served during the Korean War when he worked as a recruiter in Syracuse. Belfield told the newspaper last year that he never regretted serving in the military.

“It was a good thing to do,” he said in the interview on Veterans Day last year. “I loved it because it was my country. It’s still my country.”

Ailing health prevented Belfield from participating in October’s Honor Flight to Washington, D.C., to see the war memorials. Instead, local veterans presented Belfield with an Honor Flight T-shirt in his room at the nursing home, according to Albany’s WTEN-TV, which reported his death Wednesday.

Barbara Bradt, activities director at the nursing home, said Belfield had “such a spark for life.”

“He taught me no matter how old you are, you keep going, you put a smile on your face and you just appreciate every day because that’s what he did.” She said.

Belfield and his wife, Lillian, have six children, 18 grandchildren and 28 great-grandchildren.

If only men like him were survived by more children and more great grandchildren.

~Wald

Reflections on Sisyphus

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One moment when I was alone with my thoughts, I was reflecting on the story of Sisyphus.

sisyphus_by_o__v-d66ox90

For those unfamiliar with the story a basic summary is here. That article has its own interpretations.

In reflection, I thought of my own. Namely, Sisyphus’s Task represents the human condition; humanity’s greatest fear and greatest desire. The fear is that all one’s efforts are fruitless – that one’s accomplishments and actions don’t matter. Such anguish resides in the eyes of those who see the fruits of their efforts crumble right before them, into nothingness. Yet, at the same time, the neverending sisyphyean task is human’s ultimate desire. Why? Because to be human is to struggle. Life is struggle. Inertia is death. I believe that mankind works best when he has a mountain to climb. Sisyphus resembles the neverending mountain, a journey without end. When he rolls that rock up the hill day after day, week after week, he has a purpose in life.

Why would a man wish for a neverending mountain? Because…at the top of the mountain, it’s nothing but downhill from there.

~Wald

#NoNothingNovember: Day 10

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My first week in #NoNothingNovember has passed.

Now’s a good time to review my progress:

No Fap:

So far I have not fapped to pornography and only looked at one website briefly this entire week. At the end of the week, I saw my girlfriend and, after vigorous discussion helped myself to painting her backside several shades of white. Some would argue that still counts as fapping and going against the no-fap clause of my #NoNothingNovember pledge. I concede that it is fapping – but without pornography. For me – getting pornography out of my life is the goal of no-fap. Secondly, I did finish “on or inside of a female”.

Progress continues with no-fap.

Laziness:

I started out “strong” this past with one post announcing my participation in #NoNothingNovember. Then I fell off the wagon. I could cite ROTC or my preoccupation with pre-registration for my final semester’s classes as reason why I didn’t have the time to write, but that would be bullshit. I had time. I just frittered it away on distractions like Alpha Protocol (PC game – oldie but a goodie). So this week, I will write at least one extra post to make up for it (not including this post).

This past week has been a minor setback for my no-laziness goal, but I still have three more weeks left.

~Wald

#NoNothingNovember: Day 2

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Ladies and Gentlemen,

Today I am starting off my participation in #NoNothingNovember in that I plan to conquer two of my vices:

FAP & Laziness

That is to say – no fapping or pornography for me. If I wish to finish, it must be on or inside of a female.

As for laziness – that means that I will write two posts a week at the very least. It occurs to me that I may have to shut my blog down or at least leave it indefinitely sometime after May 2015. I don’t know exactly when that is, but I’d like to write some more before I don’t have the time. Recently I’ve experienced a lack of focus and desire for writing. I’m trying to fix that.

~Wald

P.S. I’m starting on day 2 and not day 1 because yesterday was just as eventful as Halloween. That also means I’ll end my NoNothing a day later than normal.

It’s Safe to Say

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I’ve been reflecting for several months on my journey through game and self-improvement for the last seven years. I say seven years because even though I’ve been writing for only three years and reading the manosphere for only four years, my journey started in ninth grade. I didn’t know anything about game – but my failure year with Turkish Delight in ninth grade is what first opened my eyes to self-improvement and later game. I started off knowing that I didn’t know what I was doing with girls. I kept on failing – but it didn’t stop me or demoralize me much. I made friends, got more social, got more friends who were way better with girls than me, and move on. Each year I got a little better and learned one painful lesson after the next. I learned how to flirt and even got a girlfriend. I finished my high school year in a long distance relationship with a beautiful Turkish girl (which I’ll have to write about) that ended a year later with consummation due to my lack of sexual experience and confidence.

Three years and eleven girls later, I’m in my senior year of university. A completely different person. I’m less than a year away from getting my degree and a job that I want.

And what a journey it’s been.

My attitude on things have changed so much.

On Women:

I don’t have any hate towards women even though they may annoy me from time to time. I don’t really care about getting notches on my belt anymore. If I meet a man with more notches than me – I want to know what he knows. If I meet a man who has less than me, then I’m happy to give advice if he thinks he needs it.  I think there is such a thing as too many partners for women and men, though the number for men is much higher and I have no idea what it is. I believe that I’ll never find happiness in a woman – but I will find happiness in a family and pursuing my life’s mission. I don’t mind failure with women and I see rejection as either a learning experience or a favor that a girl does for me. Why is it a favor? I don’t want to find out we’re incompatible several months, or god forbid, several years down the line.

While collecting flags may never get old, I think, I’m prepared for it to lose its appeal and use. I don’t intend to slow down at this point and time, but I’m subconsciously screening for wife material and qualities I think I’ll like in a wife to raise children with. By the time I’m actively searching for a wife, I’ll be well-practiced in character assessment. I’m confident in the knowledge that I really don’t know all that much about women – there are plenty of men who know more. What matters to me is that I know a lot more now than I did seven years ago. Even a year ago, I didn’t know as much as I do now. The best part is that this is just the beginning.

On Life:

It seems that I have a penchant for the School of Hard Knocks. I worry not for he makes for a harsh, but fair teacher. And right now – attendance is cheap. The price of learning is nowhere near as expensive as it is at the average US college. I’ve got my job after university set up and my expensive education paid for mostly by the powers that be. I will not be in debt after I leave the classroom for the field. Some may call the 8 years I’ll serve a debt – but I see it differently seeing as I planned on joining the military anyway.

And I’m going in without the expectation that the system will treat me fairly and that it will use me as much as it can. In turn I’ll use it as much as I can and try to stay a live. I’ve got life goals and more and more, the path towards reaching them gets clearer every year, like the clarity of the image of my dream in my head. I fear not dying, for I could have been dead once before and if I should fall, it would be on the path that I chose.

I have plans – but I know that I don’t know what I don’t know. My plans could change…and I’m okay with that.

Summary:

In Japan, in karate, there are four belts; white, brown, green, and black. But contrary to popular belief, the black belt is not the end all be all of karate. It is not the top-level. Once a student has earned a black belt, he considered ready to train and learn.

That’s where I am with girls and life.

So it is safe to say, I’m no longer a beginner. I’m intermediate now.

~Wald

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So – I’ve been texting on and off for a little over a month. We haven’t had a chance to hang out because of our schedules but now that I’m out for summer break, I’ve been texting her again. She tried to flake on me and I used a line I first saw on [Redacted]. Then I had a conversation I’d never thought I’d experience.

Friday:

Me: Monday may be a possibility! When would you be free? (15:27)

Saturday:

Her: Probably more towards evening time would be best. (02:11)

Sunday:

Me: I’m free tomorrow [Monday] (22:11)

Her: What do you wanna do? (23:30)

Me: Play pool at my favorite bar. (23:30)

Monday:

Her: What bar? (01:00)

Me: [Bar X] (01:01)

Her: Do you know any bartenders there? (01:02)

Me: Yep. Most of them. (01:04)

Me: What time do you get out? (14:17)

Me: My phone has been dead – if you sent me any texts today – resend them. (16:01)

Me: When do you get off work? (20:44)

Her: Sorry I was just asking cuz I’m not 21 yet but I’m actually off tonight. (21:05)

Me: I think you’d get in – there should not be any security tonight. (21:06)

Me: I’m going to buy groceries and cook myself dinner. Should be free afterwards. (21:08)

Her: Idk if I’ll be able to come out tonight, it’s getting pretty late and I still have to go to the gym 🙁 (21:16)

Me: Unsubscribe.

Her: Haha wow okay (21:29)

Me:… (21:37)

Her: That’s pretty douchey (21:47)

Me: Saying you’re free Monday, texting late to set up plans, and then at last minute saying idk if I’m gonna come is also poor etiquette. (21:50)

Her: I get that, you should also understand how scattered and unorganized my schedule is due to my job. But since we’re being honest, I guess I could’ve made more of an effort but the fact that you’re rarely here because of school (which I was unaware of when we first began talking) has me unmotivated [sic] to get out of my way to meet up with you because really, nothing could come of it. (21:59)

Her: I suppose I should’ve said something sooner, so I’m sorry for wasting your time. (21:59)

Me: Because of your candid response, I accept your apology. (22:05)

Her: Thanks, I hope you understand where I’m coming from. It has nothing to do with you, you seem like a great guy. (22:08)

Me: I do. Because of going to military school – my schedule is often frantic and scattered – like yours. (22:09)

Me: If you’d still like to hang out, now that I’m home for the summer – let me know when you’re free. If not – nice talking to you. (22:11)

Her: I will, and I know my flakiness can be pretty upsetting so I won’t attempt to make plans with you unless I know I can definitely follow through from now on. Just to get an idea, what does your schedule typically look like week by week? (22:16)

I don’t have high hopes or expect anything. For those who wish to point out that I probably won’t get laid, I’d point out that you’re missing the bigger picture.

~Wald