Category Archives: Scartissue

To Have Loved and Lost or Or to Never Have Loved at All

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I’ve only had two conversations about having loved and lost or never at all in my life.
One, I had with my Dad. The other I had with Ace from 80 Proof. Unfortunately, I can’t recall the contents of my conversation with my father only that he thought it was better to have loved and lost versus the opposite. In contrast, that time I spoke with Ace, he believed the latter. To be fair to him, at the time, he’d suffered a bite of an apple from the Tree of Forbidden Knowledge which shocked him from one opinion to the other.
In that conversation, I believe I’ve come to an answer, though it may be a cop out. I believe it’s the middle between two extremes.
That’s fair.
The only answer I’ve got is a cop-out
Pain teaches you.
Pain at a young age, often not fatal, teaches you a lesson and “makes you feel alive”
Pain at an old age can mean a swift lesson followed by death
It is better to have loved and lost at a young age
or never at all
For now, I’ll save my whole love for God who deserves it
and my children who need it

~Wald

Life Dream Part 2

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In my previous post, I detailed my life dream for all to see.

This post is to give a little context to my dreams.

The first part is that my dreams came from inspiration. As I detailed in my about me section (which has been updated), I traveled to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil in 2009 to visit two of my best friends. One day we took my friend’s father drove us all a dockyard and we sailed to a beautiful place called Angra Dos Reis, or Angra for short.

We stayed there for about three days and I fell in love with the beauty of the azure sky and the chartreuse green trees and grass. On the car ride back to Rio, I resolved to buy an island of the coast of Brazil someday.

angra-dos-reis-1

The beauty of my dream, is that I don’t need to accomplish it in its entirety to be satisfied with it or my life. If I only succeed and basing my family on the island to keep them safe and I don’t get any further, I’d be happy with it. Were I to die in the army before I could get out and further my designs to amass the money to buy such an island, I’d still be happy. Sure, I would not have completed my dream, but I would have died on the path I chose.

The best part is that with each passing year, more and more of my dream becomes clear to me. Though I do not knowing yet how I will accomplish everything, I know I will find out soon enough.

~Wald

Here’s an original picture.

April 2010 in Brazilien

My Life’s Dream

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I discovered my life’s dream after much conversation with Mitch Sturges in December of 2012. I finally wrote down the idea in January 2013 and sent emails out, later in the year, to several bloggers like Robert from 30 Days to X to test out how my idea sounded .

I still have my dream and I’m still working towards it. I thought I might share it, two years later. Here is part of an email I sent. A few things have changed since then, but I’ll include that in another post.

I’ve been sending my ideas for the manosphere and myself to a couple of people, and I grew curious of what you would think, because you’re around my age. It may take a little while to read, but if you can manage, tell me what you think.

I have two dreams: one dream of mine is for the manosphere but involves me. I wish for some day that the men of the manosphere are not anonymous to each other. I wish for some day where each man can help another whether it is helping out with game advice, fashion advice, fitness advice, or work advice. Maybe some men who are entrepreneurs can offer jobs to men within the manosphere. I hope for it to be a community that is independent of the current, poisonous western society, though it lives within it. From this community, we could gain enough momentum to change society or transcend it. I do not know how to best do this. What I am trying to do right now, is meet as many men of the manosphere as possible. I have emailed you, young gunner, and will email the blogger Xsplat at a later point. I am overseas so I offer conversation through skype. But when I am back in the US and either of you guys are nearby, the first round is on me. I believe that if everyone in the manosphere got to know one another, a sense of community would arise naturally. I would like to see the manosphere organized, certainly before it goes mainstream.

Kind of like a secret society, we would exert an influence, from behind the scenes. If everyone got to know one another, the Dead Beta Society would be a tangible reality I think. I find it hard to convert the average man off the street to the red pill, or even close friends. But if a large enough group of men got together, suddenly, mass conversions are a reality. The very reason I have a blog, besides getting out my own thoughts or experiences, is to communicate with the men of the manosphere, because they will more readily talk to and trust someone with an online presence. Because I have invested my time and energy into being a part of the same manosphere, I cannot tattle tale on them to the media, for we share the same secret. That is the same reason I have joined the Roosh V forum. I have posted alot more this last year to build up more of an online presence so that I am part of the in group and have more influence to help get to know more people. I have contacted one guy who is doing an online datng script. I talked to him once on skype and we got along right away.

 

My second dream, is my life’s dream in detail. My highest goal, is to live forever, through the memory of man. To that end, I wish to buy an island off the coast of Brazil and make my own island. I have been in contact with Bill Powell of Apocalypse Cometh and Dr. Illusion of Illusion of Insanity (and I am filling out Young Gunner on my plans). I plan to make the country self-sustainable in both energy needs, shelter, and nourishment. Bill Powell says he has found an island 56 miles of the coast of Brazil, 1164 acrs, for $4 million. I hope to buy the island and have like minded men of the manosphere move to the island so that we can change the world in peace. In theory, the island would be too small to attract the strategic interest of nations, and therefore we would be free to operate on our own terms, undisturbed. As part of the plan, Bill and I discussed starting an alcohol business, for rum, using inexpensive sugar cane. I would hope to be successful and be the best selling rum in Brazil. From there I would try to reverse the effects of feminism in Brazil and make it a red pill country before moving onto the world.

Meanwhile, I would buy up hotels, restaurants, clothing stores, clubs, bars, newspapers, and hostels in the capitals of the world. That way, where ever a citizen of my country, or a man of the manosphere, goes, he would be able to eat, drink, and sleep somewhere for free. If I bought up newspapers, I could silence feminist propaganda at the least, if not counteract it with my own. Fnally, by owning hostels, I would be able to imbue the red pill in the younger generations who like travel (or set up spots for manosphere men) and counteract western poison one youth at a time. My ideas are constantly developing. My idea for my country is developing. And I know I do not have all the skills I need. I do know that there are men in the manosphere who do have skills I need. And if we were a community, I could utilize that to buy, and later, develop a home for the manosphere.

Those are my dreams. How do they sound?

~Wald

Part 2

On Equality

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I don’t believe in equality and neither do you. No one does.

It’s never existed and never will.

Inequality is encoded within rules and laws. For example, at my university, there’s a fitness test that all cadets must take.

For men, the min/max standards are:      For women the min/max standards are:

5/20 pull ups in two minutes                         1/8 pull up in two minutes

60/92 sit ups in two minutes                         60/92 sit ups in two minutes

12:30/08:30 for a 1.5 mile run                      14:20/09:26 for a 1.5 mile run

A representative from my university can shout until he’s blue in the face that his institution believes in equality, but the rules speak for themselves.

During a game, a football coach might smack the ass of one of his players, “Get out there!” and no one will bat an eye. But if a football coach had female players an did the same act, most people would view it as sexual harassment.

In the realm of dating, women tend to be very picky as to choosing suitors for courtship. Another way to put that, is that they are very discriminating. An odd quirk here, a badly timed joke there, and one’s chances to court can be thrown into the wind. Were we all equal, there would be no courtship and no need to discriminate between mates. There would just be the loud moaning sounds of making new life ringing in the streets.

In the realm of relationships, were there equality, there would not exist a distinction between friends such as acquaintance, friend, good friend, fair-weather friend, or best friend. They’d all be one and the same.

In the realm of food, were there equality, all foodstuffs would be equally as healthy. The world would grind to a halt as people stuffed their faces with as much ice cream, doritos, and cheetos as humanly possible. All those women who were sad and comfort ate would be as skinny as the women who watched what they ate and exercised.

Treating things equally is a recipe for a mess if not outright disaster.

If you try to nail a few pieces of plywood together using nails and a backscratcher, the job will take a couple of years to finish, if it ever does at all. If you try to scratch someone’s back with a hammer, at best they’ll have several noticeable scratches on their back. At worse, they’ll have a broken back and you’ll have one less friend.

Some Rules ‘We’ Made

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My girlfriend and I have about six rules we try our best to follow (more successfully now than before).

  1. When arguing – no swearing or name calling
  2. No bringing up old arguments
  3. Unless we agree to do so
  4. Tell the other person before we go to bed if we’re angry.
  5. If we get far apart, we must come back close together (read: make up sex)
  6. No breaking up over a petty argument. If we break up, it’s serious.

She came up will rule #6 herself after she had a conversation with a co-worker who got into an argument with her boyfriend, broke up with him, cried about it, and got back together with him all in the same hour.

The only rules we’ve had trouble following?

#4 and #5

We tend to get silent when we’re mad and I don’t see her that much because she’s a three hour drive from my university.

She’s been my longest relationship so far and I suspect these rules may have something to do with it.

~Wald

Thoughts: Quick and Dirty

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Several short thoughts:

1) If a girl challenges you to a drinking contest in a bar and you only met her that day, she’s challenging your ego to distract you from the fact that she just wants you to buy her a drink. It’s a bait and switch and a rookie mistake to make.

If a girl challenges you to a drinking contest and you actually want to go through with it, make her buy the first round. If she declines, you can either tell her to “put her money where her mouth is” or call her out.

2) One new goal of mine. I want to get to the point where I don’t tell people how well a girl fucks, sucks, cooks, cleans, or takes care of me because I consider it normal and expect it.

Wald

Addendum: Proper Networking

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I was reading Matt the Unlucky Devil’s post the other week and thought I could add a thing or two to his points.

I commented:

Example for Post

I thought I’d just elaborate on that further. I started blogging so I could talk to other bloggers and meet up with them if logistics permitted. Because I had a blog, I was not just some random commenter. I have skin in the game.  I’ve met about 7 or 9 people off the RVF and have met several bloggers who were near my place of residence at one point. In addition, I regularly call or text many more.

So I did follow the advice that Matt gave three years ago. I commented on blogs I liked and told them what I like about the blog or commented on the post. Whenever a blogger replied to my comment, I usually emailed them through their contact page. Usually I’d introduce myself as Wald, writer of scartissue.us and then would ask a short question – either advice on doing something they did, how they came to a conclusion on a blog post, or just ask how they’re doing and say I hope they keep writing.

I’m not saying spam people and email everything single blog you see, I’m saying do this for blogs you really like.

Eventually, when you correspond enough, you and the other blogger figure out that you’re both cool guys.You might link to his blog and he might link to yours. He might offer help in an area of his expertise and you yours. What I am saying?

You should network because you want to make new friends and learn a new thing or two. The collateral goodness of getting linked to, books to review for free, is only a side benefit of making a friend with whom you can discuss just about anything with more of an open mind than most people you’d find on the street or in some cases even your own house.

Wald

P.S. People on this side of the moon prefer their privacy if they’re anonymous and probably have had weird haters or stalkers if they aren’t. Keep your messages simple (Hey – I’m so and so and I think your work is such and such. Signed, my name). If you want to get to know these guys in person, the onus is on you to reveal who you are first. Provide your skype/number/name/other first before you ask for the other blogger’s information)

Trouble’s Cracking OKCupid is the Next Level

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Recently, Kyle at This is Trouble released his new book, Cracking OKCupid.

He was kind enough to provide me with a review copy ahead of time, so I’d like to offer my two cents:

One of the first things I noticed about the book is there is a bullet point list of the main ideas of each chapter. It’s like skipping cut scenes in video games. Veterans of online game can skip ahead to the actionable advice and get started on applying soon not more than 5 or 10 minutes of reading the book. The novices, however, can still read the chapters as normal to see the “why” behind each main point so they truly understand what is going on. This makes the book accessible to all levels in game, something which is hard to do with these kinds of books.

Another thing that stood out to me was the suggestion to create a fake female profile to assess the competition. I made such a profile. I took about 10 minutes to find some obscure slavic model so that the average American man would be none the wiser even with a minimum amount of ‘Google Fu’. Model Mayhem provided me with Elmira Krakota and my imagination of a good red pill woman filled out the rest of the profile.

This is the profile after 5 hours.

decemberist1825Unfortunately, OKC banned me and my fake account (you can’t have more than one account on there) before I could take pictures of messaged from OKC. So here are a few samples from my email.

EK R 1 EK R 2 EK R 3 EK R 4 EK R 5 EK R 6

As you can see, the competition is not exactly fierce. The last time I looked at my fake account, she had 172 messages, over 600 visitors, and over 500 likes. Take that for what you will.

Thirdly, the book is comprehensive without going overboard. Kyle takes you through setting up your profile (every option is talked about), to giving you openers, to even giving advice on the initial meet up. However, rather than just giving you a fish for the day, Kyle teaches you how to fish. That is to say, he doesn’t give you that many openers, but explains the ones he does give. The point is not for you to pay for a bunch of canned openers and replies so much as to teach you the principles of a proper opener and witty replies so that you can make up your own and carry yourself forward instead of referring back to this book every time you get  message. That said, Kyle does not insult your intelligence by launching into too much detail about how you conduct yourself on the dates – he only addresses areas specific to the online dating world that might affect your date(s).

Cracking OKCupid is an absolute pleasure to read with some unintentional humor to go with good advice. I recommend you buy the book without reservation or bias*.

To Long/Didn’t Read?

At page 76 of 109, I already knew that this book was worth $20. If you want to bring your online game to the next level as a novice or intermediate, or tweak your game in ways you may not have thought of as advanced, you should buy this book.

Wald

*I do not receive a commission on the book, for I do not use affiliate links. The links refer you to Kyle’s page.

Family is Different

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On the way back home, in the back of my father’s car, he told me the rest of a story he could not include in his speech at the reception, following TAPs and the internment of the urn at the funeral.

“When I was younger, around seven years old, I got my first look at what family looks like.

We [my Dad and his family] had just moved to a new neighborhood. Your aunt Minny and I, ran around the town and went through the woods exploring. We came up on a house where the basement was slightly above ground level and there was a window through which you could see in. I saw a girl inside and tapped on the window.

Now – at the time, there was thief on the loose in town who had been at large for several months. The girl inside the house screamed for her dad and seconds later the front door of that house burst open. Your Aunt Minny bolted straight for home. Now she’d probably tell you today that she was smarter than I was and figured out what that noise probably was. I however, stuck around, figuring that I had done no wrong and would figure things out or talk rationally to the man.A couple seconds later, when the man turned the corner, he was running at full speed and looked very mad. At this, I turned around and ran as fast as I could home.

I got roughly to the driveway before the man caught up to me and picked me up. And just then my front door burst open. Turns out my sister had run past the house and then ran back and into the basement saying “Daddy, a man’s got Patrick!”

At that point, I had never seen my father run before, as his leg was bad due to injuries from the war.

He looked madder than the man who was holding me. Unsure of what to do, that man dropped me to the ground. My father was shorter than the man. Yet he ran up, lifted the man up with one hand and raised his right.

“Mike! Don’t do it. You’ll kill the man”, my mother screamed out the window, “He’s a neighbor! He’s a neighbor!”

My father put the man down and said, “I don’t care who you are. You don’t touch my family”.

That morning I got a spanking in the basement which surprised me, I’ll say.*

Later, I asked my Dad, “Gee Dad, were you really about to punch that man?”

“Of course”, he replied, “Family is different.”

Wald

*My father added a comment:

Only factual error was that I had got the spanking the morning of the incident, not the next morning.

That’s was what surprised me most, and also made me realize that family was different/special – I had thought that my Dad was mad at me and maybe didn’t love me (because I was a “bad boy”).  But, when outside trouble came – he was clearly my Dad, on my side, and ready to do battle on my behalf, regardless of internal discipline matters.”

Catching Bullets

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At the reception after the funeral, my brother told everyone that there was a story that my grandfather had told him many times; the story of how he got shot.

At the time, Big Mike was with his fellow rangers traversing the land during the winter, from cover to cover. They’d go from one shell hole to the next. To be fair, they rotated the point man each time they got into a crater. The point man would jump up and run into the next crater. Just as he landed inside, a machine gun would open up with a burst or two. Then the rest of the men would jump up and run into the crater. Then it was Big Mike’s turn. He jumped up and started to run when a mortar shell landed inside the crater he just left, killing everyone inside. Instead of ducking into the crater, he looked back and an MG42 opened up and raked him with fire. He fell to the ground. He remained completely still for a time before he again attempted to move into the crater. The enemy MG opened up and again raked him with fire. He remained still for a time, and then upon realizing he had been hit in the head, took snow and packed it into his helmet before putting it back on his head. He knew he would die if he fell asleep so he resolved to stay awake and keep his eyes open, which he did…for close to eight hours. When fellow Americans pulled up to gather all the wounded, they left him lying there because he looked like he was dead. When they came back to gather the dead bodies, one guy walked up to him and was about to kick his dog-tags into his teeth when he finally blinked.

“This one’s alive.”

They finally got him into medical care and sent him back stateside. At Waldor Road Hospital*, he was not receiving good enough care to survive his injuries, until a general, who had known his father**, recognized him in passing and raised a fuss about it. Suddenly, Big Mike received all the care and medication he could get. If it weren’t for that general, he probably would not have made it.

~Wald
*Names and places have been changed to protect the innocent.
**My grandfather’s dad was the provost at “Ft. Honeymeade” and therefore he got to know a lot of generals as a young kid.