I’ve noticed a little change in my thinking this year. When I first got to my school – my thought was no messing with the girls here. Get caught messing around on campus, one could get suspended and or lose privileges. If you’re especially unlucky, the lass may elect to save herself – by throwing you under the bus with a false accusation.

One girl, who is (thankfully) no longer here, apparently gave in north of forty names in order to save her own bacon.

I thought my attitude would never change – but now my attitude has changed to “Opposed to Dating, not fucking”. This must be due to lack of options (got a girl in hometown – but nothing to write home about). In theory dating here leads to complications with school life and fucking should not – but because I know more now, I know that fucking can do the same thing if you are not careful or don’t know what you’re doing.

Now I walk around constantly, subconsciously editing a soft catalogue (probably nothing new to anbody in the manosphere) of girls of interest. I took up this habit to get over a girl I liked in high school quicker (replace dead/defective puppy with more/better puppies).

What I mean is that I am making snap judgement on who I would bang and monitoring interactions with them in my head. Nothing is on purpose per say – but my brain seems to be preparing myself to seize upon opportunities as they present themselves. I’m sure this is how many a player runs into trouble – he shits where he eats because he’s still in the “getting experience” stage.

Now in my situation – dating is looked down upon by a lot of the corps. It is also can present hazard if you date someone in a position of power, or you are someone in a position of power yourself. You got to navigate bureaucracy, the social climate, and the human condition itself. The best way to win the game is to not play and go for girls outside of school.

The part that makes things interesting is that I  am completely aware of all the pieces that affect the picture – both red pill and blue.

The question is, do I play the game because I know the complete picture in terms of risks? Or do my damnedest to keep out of the game because I know what’s at stake if I get short straw on the losing end.

In the meantime – the soft catalogue hums along.

~Wald

Now that I have been 19 and in college for several months, I’ve come to the realization that I am definitely getting older.

I feel like I’ve changed a lot in the past four years. For example, video games are still fun, but I get bored with playing them faster. I am unwilling to jump back in to these games and grind to get back to my previous levels. I used to drink a lot of coke and other soft drinks. Now few soft drinks hold the taste. It feels like after a few sips (if not the first one) the drink just tastes like a carbonated drink that is supposed to taste like more than sugary water. Now the only times I really drink coke are when I mix it with alcohol (though some drinks, I prefer straight).

My desires have changed a lot. I used to want to play video games and later in life design the most realistic war game the world has ever seen. Now all I want to do is travel and experience life. I have a bucket list which includes doing things, people, and being places. I don’t want to sit still and do nothing. I still can sit on the computer and waste lots of time (a vestige of the old personality I am leaving behind), but now I feel empty after I look at the clock and realize that I have accomplished absolutely nothing in the past two hours.

My goal in life used to a vague: do what ever it takes to be remembered.  And by remembered, I meant, I wanted my name to appear in school textbooks, like George Washington or Erwin Rommel or something. Now my life goals are a lot more specific, vivid, and because I have fleshed them out, tangible & doable.

I have come a long way from the person I was 4 years ago, yet I still have a long way to go.

~Wald