Tag Archives: Minor Fail

The Latvian: A Lesson on Flirting

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Sometime in November, my sophomore year, I found myself on a couch between two girls, who I’ll call Latvia and Fountaine.

Fountaine was a girl who was in my English class before I switched out. I often teased her, shredding a page of paper and dumping the pieces on her head for my amusement. She often got “mad” before laughing and play along. For the most part she is unimportant for most of this story.

Latvia was a (surprise!) Latvian girl I met just a couple of hours before I sat on that couch, during an International Schools Sports Tournament (I.S.S.T.) volleyball game. Fountaine introduced us when their group of friends moseyed on over to interact with mine. While I don’t remember our exact conversation, I do remember that I made quite an impression on her (kind of how a girl is pleasantly surprised that you challenge her). She tried to sound very intellectual by talking about the human species originating from Africa and agreed with a very nonchalant attitude. Somewhere in the conversation I said something along the lines of she had a cute butt and it was clearly on display (when I said whatever it was, she moved her body so I got a better view).

Anyway, back to the couch.

Somehow the conversation turned to ropes and liking it rough, or something to that affect. Fountaine commented, “I bet you like it rough.” I agreed with a smirk, “You know it. Ropes, Fluffy Hand Cuffs, the works.” I actually didn’t know much about that stuff, but I pretended that I knew it all too well. In the near vicinity, too near for Latvia, an ex-boyfriend/hook-up walked around and she hid her face in my chest. Fountaine said, “No fair!” I mediated this dispute by saying that they both could have me. Fountaine would have me during the week and Latvia would have me during the weekend. When it was time for the girls to go, I said, “Where are my hugs?” and both of them hugged me good-bye.

That weekend I got Latvia’s email and flirted with her over MSN chat. Unfortunately I can’t remember the conversation nor can I find, but I remember me asking, “You want me to buy you a pair of underwear?” She replied, “That she was not sure she wanted to release her butt size to me this early on.”

I got her number and we flirted over the phone. She texts me, “I want to make you scream.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

One day we’re texting back and forth and she texts me “Fuck you”, I imagine because of a certain tease or something. I reply, “Go to bed. You’re acting pissy.” She replies, “I meant that in the nicest way possible 🙂 ” We arrange a bet over text. Each of us will tease the other (short of getting physical in public) until the other can’t take any more and has to have the other.

The next week I see her once in a math team club after school. “Math team? Out of the places I’d find you…” I say it jokingly and the teacher shoos me out of the classroom. We exchange a few texts or chat over Facebook. I make the mistake of referring to our “weekend arrangement” as “super kinky” in my haste to sexualize our conversations (aside from light insinuations). I don’t remember the exact response but it is not good. When I texted her that Sunday, “How’s our bet going?”

She replies, “I see you more as brother. Incest is not the way to go.”

The lesson I learned here is to not be too eager to show my interest, or to assume anything is going to happen because of a fictitious arrangement. I also probably flirted too much and should not have put her down for her involvement in math (instead of teasing her I probably ended up insulting her.

Instead of hooking up, we became friends. I treated her like my little sister and talked with a lot. She was friends with the Camera Whore and another girl I would later become involved with.

We are still good friends to this day and I still call her my little sister.

~Wald

Reflections on the Camera Whore Episode

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After yesterday’s post, I did some more thinking.

While I did learn a lot dating Camera Whore’s best friend, I regretted going after her best friend early without first seeing how far I could get with Camera Whore. Part of the reason I didn’t try to get with Camera Whore was that I heard that she had a long distance boyfriend and had rejected many guys who asked her out to an upcoming dance. Sure enough, a week or two after I started dating her best friend, she started going out with one of my friends.

Reflecting on this revealed to me another lesson I could learn from. When deciding between a sure thing (a girl who’s interested in you) and a potential thing (a girl who might be interested in you), you should go for the sure thing every time. I believe it was [Redacted] who first said this.

However, when you are choosing between two girls for a long term relationship, you should never settle for anything less than the best. This is especially pertinent for marriage, if you ever decide to cross that Rubicon. Only women settle, because they can’t do better than what their looks can provide them.

Because men can improve their worth until well into their twilight years, they should settle for nothing less than the best. The best one can get changes over time. And if you’re doing it right, the best you can get will get better and better.

~Wald

 

 

A Forgotten Lesson of the Camera Whore

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The same year (10th grade) of my second major fail, I had one of my first experiences with the power of eye contact. Unfortunately, I was still learning about the whole girl/guy game (before game) and was unable to capitalize on my inadvertent success.

In the 9th grade class, there was this cute Spanish girl. My only contact with her in the first semester was on Facebook, as the multitude of pictures she took at ninth grade parties invaded my feed. I learned that she didn’t smoke or drink, but would go to parties and take picture after picture after picture.

I looked through these pictures, curious as I was, until I came across a picture of the party’s host making out with her boyfriend.

I commented starting a conversation (interspersed with comments from others of course) that looked something like this (her comments are in italics):

Have you no shame, [redacted]? lol

hhaha 

noo she took my camera and took the picture.. and asked me to upload it 🙂

How does that work again? She took your camera, took a picture of herself making out with her boyfriend at a rather fiendish angle, and then begged you to put it up?
Sounds a bit sketchy to me, but then again, I wasn’t at the party. 😛

haha no i ment [random girl] took it. and took the picture.. and [party girl host] asked me to put it up … sorta
haha

Oh ok. I understand now…sorta
ha

I believe I had another conversation on Facebook chat with her that she started. I think she tried to her explain herself and I simply laughed and called her a ‘Camera Whore’. Interestingly enough, I never bothered to really check out this girls profile to see what her deal was.  After that, I did not talk to Camera Whore until the next semester in January.

At first, I did not talk to Camera Whore. In fact, I would see her walking around school randomly, but didn’t recognize her at the time. All that was going on in my was that I kept seeing a cute girl now and then, and I liked it. I made a point to get a good look at her every time I did. I automatically started looking in her eyes every time. At first, she would just stare into my eyes as she walked by. Then the next few times she passed me, she would smile as she stared into my eyes. And I would smile back. This continued for days.

Finally one day, she passed me in the hall way and touched my arm, “Hey!”

At the time I didn’t recognize that move was an indicator of interest, but I did become better friends with the Camera Whore. It turned out that she was one of the prettiest girls in the school. We hung out a little more and more as the days went by, and a dance was coming up. To this day I believe I could have gotten her. But I messed that up when I started dating a different girl, who was a sure thing, as I was still getting over Delight. This girl also happened to be the Camera Whore’s less attractive, best friend. When I realized my mistake, it was too late, but I shall explain that story another time.

The lesson to me here, is that good eye contact, is very helpful if done right. It is a covert way of showing interest (or piquing theirs) to a girl, even though it is as clear as day to her.

~Wald

P.S. Looking back at my little conversation, I shudder at the smiley’s I used, but the overall teasing was spot on I think.

Lesson on Body Language and Fail #3

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In 11th grade, my coach picked me to go along with my rugby team to play our mid-season games against BSP in Paris.

While the games were fun, I had more fun at night.

My host family’s son (we’ll call him George) took my teammate and I out to the James Hetsfield Bar where we met up with some of his friends and other teammates of mine.

Within about 5 minutes of sitting down and introducing myself to George’s friends, everyone had vacated the table except for myself, my roommate, and a petite girl from Ecuador (we’ll call her Playette)

I started with a simple “Hey” and conversation rolled. I don’t remember exactly what I was saying but three minutes into our conversation, she laughs at a joke I made and places her hand on my upper thigh for emphasis. I look at my roommate, he looks at me, and we both think “Game On!”.

I vaguely remember mentioning that I was studying German and her eyes widened as she exclaimed, “I love German! Teach me some German.”

I taught Playette three dirty words. I talked with her about how I loved to travel and where I have traveled so far. Hold up! She’s gotta make a quick phone call. I walk away to talk to somebody else. After about 10 minutes, I walk back to her. “Where did you go?” We talk some more and she accuses me of being a player. I don’t remember my reply, but I do remember me suggesting we go outside for some “fresh air”.

Next thing I know, I lead her outside, and start making out with her against a tree. In public.

Now hold it. This is the success part of the story. The next, is a fail.

Somehow I thought I needed to make her jealous, or seem not as important, like she interrupter our conversation earlier talking on the phone for a few minutes before I walked.

I said, “Time for me to check my phone for something important.” I checked my phone for a text I already knew was there, from my ex. I sighed and put it away. “Who was it?”, she asked me. “Just a text from my ex”, I replied.  “Do you still care about her?”

I paused and as soon as I did her demeanor changed. “Maybe you’re not over her yet.”

I was sure that  was, but for a minute I actually thought about it. I didn’t kiss her anymore afterwards. Game over, thanks for playing.

To my mind, there is more than one lesson here.

1. Overtly making a girl jealous (telling about other girls) does not work. It backfires.

2. I just met the girl and was making out with her. Anything outside of figuring how to isolate her should not have crossed my mind. There is a time and place for everything.

As for the body language, I could say that her body language was open, her legs crossed towards me, or she was staring at my lips it would not matter. I don’t remember reading any of that from her body language. The important part is that I recognized her touching my leg for what it was, an obvious indicator of interest, and acted upon it. And this was before I got into game and realized what I saw happen before my very eyes.

Wald