The biggest problem in my life right now is two fold:
- I’m still a good journey and a half from where I need to be, to both be the man I want and need to be
- I’m almost all talk and little if any concrete action beyond a day or two when it comes to changing my life. I’m always on the precipice of taking this action. Precipice of taking that action. My paradigm is changing. But I haven’t truly made any difficult choices. I’ve put off many important ones and gotten away with them for now. This is worse than just suffering from delusion damage. I see the bars clearly, but like Louis CK, do nothing about them.
- If this be the case, then do I not deserve my imprisonment?
- If I can hardly see beyond my nose, because hardly anything beyond it is important to me, what kind of a life will I lead? What kind of a life do I deserve?
- How can I expect to live if I can’t make a decision?
Facing a firing squad feels easier than facing the conversation I am going to have. And that’s why I have to have it.
Wald