Conversation with a Female Friend: Part 2

Continuing the conversation from part one here:

Her: So guy hit me in the face at a party because I told him he was being rude to my friend

*some

So his fuse is shorter than most

Me: when?

Her: A few months back

Me: how did you tell him?

what tone did you use?

Her: I told him he shouldn’t talk to her that way because he was being degrading

I was actually pretty friendly

It was a fun party, no need for conflict

Me: define pretty friendly

hold your thoughts for a minute

Her: Like I was smiling, light tone (tone I use with my mom)

Me: I am going to ask you questions about this

I want to you be as honest as possible

I am not trying to judge you

or him

Her: I was a good distance away, I wasn’t even holding much eye contact

Me: so how far is a good distance away

?

Her: Hmm about two feet?

Yeah, I was about 2 ft away

Actually, no. About 3

Me: okay

what was your tone

of voice?

Her: I don’t know how to describe tone of voice

Me: loud

quiet

Her: I was slightly tipsy, so bubblier than usual

Me: how loud was bubbly?

Her: I wasn’t yelling or anything, but audible

Me: ok

did you call him any names?

as in

Her: No, I said “Hey mister, I don’t think that’s a really nice way to talk to my friend”

Me: did you say those exact words

Her: Yes

Me: or did you command him to stop talking to your friend in a rude manner?

Her: Then he said “Fuck you, sand nigger” then hit me

No, I was just trying to get him to chill out

Me: did you say anything after “Hey mister, I don’t think that’s a really nice way to talk to my friend”?

Her: Nope

Me: was this the first time you or your friends said something to him to get him to stop being rude?

(Her Name)

Her: Yea, he was like standing over her and being sort of intense. Then she came to me and said he called her a cunt for not wanting to leave with him, so I confronted him

Me: you confronted him?

it sounds like you had confrontational intent

even though you were in a bubbly mood

Her: By confront I mean approached him and said what I told you

Me: ok

now

I think I can break things down for you

1.

For what you’re dying to know, I’m sure

actually

one more thing

why did you confront him, instead of just avoid him the rest of the night?

Her: Because he wouldn’t leave my friend alone and she was getting really annoyed

Me: he wouldn’t leave your space?

or he wouldn’t stop talking in your direction?

Her: No, he followed us around the whole time

Me: oh alright

1. He was not right to punch you in the face for your request

which sounds reasonably put

I imagine he a) doesn’t know how to interact with girls very well (the following you around despite repeated rejections)

and b) does or did not have a male role model

to teach him how to manage him emotions

the reason why I asked you those questions

is because things happen under the hood that you don’t realize

if you call him a name when you ask him to stop doing something

you’re calling him out

and inviting a fight

if you tell him to stop doing something, he thinks. “Who the fuck are you to tell me what to do?”

and now you’re gotta prove you’ve got the authority

if you get in his face or use a loud tone of voice

whether you realize it or not

you are using signals men use, consciously or unconsciously

to let other men know that a fight is a comin’

if you choose to confront him rather than avoid him or switch bars

you are choosing the fight option of the “fight or flight response”

and he recognizes that subconsciously

now

Her: Yeah

Me: if any of what I say doesn’t make that much sense

imagine yourself

if you were a guy

and you did one of the things I mentioned

it makes a whole lot more sense, right?

Her: Yeah it does

Me: what I am really getting across to you

is that

you’re getting treated like a guy

Her: The thing is, I’m a really non-confrontational person

Me: you’re getting treated equally

Her: So I was really surprised

Me: I know you’re a non confrontational person

yes

there’s a combination of factors in this

I can tell you all of them

Her: And my dad makes it clear what can be taken as threatening posture, eye contact, voice etc because he is really aggressive

Me: but the very basic stuff

I can’t tell you all of them

yeah

well there’s more

Her: And I’m very vigilant of that, so I’m always aware when I’m asking for it or when I’m backing down

Me: true

I don’t doubt it

the point I am getting at

is choosing to confront

is aggressive intent

no matter how you go about it

because you are still indirectly saying,”Stop talking to/bothering my friend”

combined with a low fuse and/or a lack of ability to control emotional response or tell what a healthy reponse is

makes this sort of thing happen

do you understand what I am getting at?

Her: Yes

I understand

Me: even when you are doing everything right

there can still be some factor you don’t know about or didn’t plan for

now, going through this conversation

I can think of one other thing that was in play if you want to hear it

Her: Yes please

Me: so

that guy

on a basic level

he was following his biological imperative

and persuing a mate

even if clumsily and unskilled

what you would call creepy

or scary

depending on how he looked

I imagine you would say creepy

am I right?

Her:  (Rapey, is the term she used)

Me: hmmm

what did the guy look like?

tatoos?

muscular?

stupid?

smart?

chainz

gansta clothes?

Her: Really big build, about 6’2″, neglecting lower body and fully built with upper body, seemed fairly stupid, probably part of a frat

Me: ahh…………………………….

well

that’s a part of it

my point is

when you confronted him

you are directly getting in the way of him pursing his mate

which on an animal level

encourages him to compete for his mate

and when he is 6’2″

Her: Well I don’t think hitting me is helping him get any

Me: no

it’s not that he thinks hitting you will get him laid

on a very primal level

you are stopping him from pursuing a mate

when men are stopped from pursuing mates

the animal response is to fight

unless the person stopping the man is bigger

you confronted a 6’2″ frat boy

who saw you as little threat

what I am saying

is

you did everything you thought right

but on a simple level

you confronted him

and he dealt with you as he would some other opponent

you told me how you were suprised he hit you right?

you didn’t think he would hit you right?

you acted non threatening and did not act hostile

Her: I didn’t think he would even get mad! I wasn’t being remotely rude

Me: I know

it’s a very primal thing that is hard to understand

Her: It’s fine, I think I got it

Me: even though I am loathe to say it

the correct response would have been to get a bouncer to deal with him

or get him ejected from the club/bar

Her: Yeah

Me: I don’t expect you to agree fully with everything I say

or understand every little detail or nuance

but I’m glad you can talk about it and understand most of it

Question for you

Do you mind if I use this conversation as an example to other female friends of mine

?

Her: Oh go ahead

Me: Thank you

Her: If they can learn as much as I did from it, then I’d be happy to oblige

Me: I won’t use your name, just the points I explain in it

Her: Haha yeah that’s fine

Me: the funny thing is

you do better than most girls

your thought processes are better on this

but even you get flak when you miss the parts people don’t teach you about

like what I try to explain now

Her: Yeah, well like I said, my dad tries to give me basics

Me: yep

one more thing before I go

in our conversation

on facebook

I gave you a warning shot

you don’t always get a warning shot

if the guy has been drinking

if he’s pissed off

if he doesn’t have a role model to explain him to give one

or if the guy looks like a thug/frat boy/low intelligence

Make sense?

Her: Yes sir

Me: Alright

I have an exam

take care

Her: Good luck

And thanks for the advice

Me: You’re welcome

Bye

It appears that as women are being taught to act more masculine and men are taught to act more feminine, girls get surprised when they get treated like guys. It appears to me that their idea of being treated equally is just being treated like a girl and their idea of how to act like a guy is a bastardized version of what they see. Incidents like the female marine getting body slammed to the ground and dying when she starts a fight come to mind.

It’s my hope that more girls realize that not can they not truly be men, but that they don’t really want to be either. A lot of trouble would be averted if they understood better what was going on, or at least understood that they don’t really know how men work, and don’t get into fights because they think they do.

~Wald

17 thoughts on “Conversation with a Female Friend: Part 2

  1. Pingback: Conversation with a Female Friend: Part 1 | Scar Tissue

  2. Great explanation. Sad how you have to almost coddle her throughout the conversation to avoid having her react more emotionally.

    In the below quote, I believe you meant to say feminine the second time you wrote the word masculine.

    “It appears that as women are being taught to act more masculine and men are taught to act more masculine”

    • You’re correct – I fixed it.

      It was annoying how I had to coddle her, but it was interesting how far I got without that spoiling the conversation.

    • You are probably correct. These two posts are not so much about what I am able to teach her or what I think she will retain.

      What is important is that this girl is supposedly one “who gets it”. Supposedly her Dad has taught her to be non-confrontational so that she does not make certain missteps that most girls are oblivious to.

      Like AneroidOcean said, I had to coddle her throughout the entire conversation (or she shut up and listen because I scared her) to guide her to the answer.

      I probably won’t really have another conversation like this in the near future, as it would be probably a waste of breath.

      This conversation you see is more of an illustration, a barometer on what the average (though this girl is a little different).girl thinks on the matter, i.e they have little to no clue how things work. Most girls I imagine are worse than this one.

  3. I just found this post.

    It brings up something that should be discussed more. As much as women claim they’re “silenced” in society and men have more rights, blah blah blah, they actually have more freedom.

    No man could act as aggressively as women act most of the time without getting a fist in his face. This is something men learn early on and it keeps us civil.

    I especially think this is why women are so unbearable in the workplace. If you’re a guy and you get in a guy’s face at work, you have to live with the subconscious worry that the guy you gave a hard time to could end up beating the crap out of you in the parking lot after work with his friends, or see you at a bar that weekend and do the same.

    Women don’t live with this fear and when it comes to work, they can behave however they want. I think this is why many people have come to dread working with women. There are no boundaries when it comes to how they can behave in a public space.

    The Violence Against Woman Act, ironically enough, assures their misbehavior by making it an even bigger crime to give them a (sometimes) much-needed slap.

    • It’s amazing to me how much they are unaware of.

      I’m told that pursuing conversations such as these are a waste of time my time. In terms of getting laid and improving myself, it is probably true. But what I learn and see is sometimes unable to be valued until later.

      One post that best catches this phenomenon was Delusion Damage’s old post, “Are you asking to be killed?”

      Women don’t seem to realize what they ask or say. That is to say, that while women can communicate overtly and covertly by way of speaking indirectly, they seem to be unable to see what they overtly or covertly communicate by actions.

      • It is great to see you put this stuff into words and talk about it openly. I always carried these emotions within myself, but like a dark secret. My usual concern was actually to prove how well I can suppress them and be a nice boy. I was proud of it, such a fool was I.

        • Oh I see. Thank you.

          Someone has to talk about it. Each girl you make realize what could actually be should she get “off the wrong train” is a girl you save from need beauty treatments the rest of her life, and a man you save from jail time.

          Wald

          • Yeah.

            I wonder why so little people talk about it, even in the manosphere. It seems that some things just get passed on from father to son and then you forgot where you learned them and it does not seem like something that needs to be said. Or they just have no clue. Look at that lost boy Roosh, wondering about his purpose in life, clinging to evolution and science. All the while this stuff is so basic, so ‘in your face’.

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