A Short On Love

After a conversation with Ace, I’m starting to see things more clearly on love.

The first thing to consider is that the woman does not love as a man does. She may love you now, today, at this moment, but not tomorrow. She may say “I love you” just to hear the same from your mouth. Perhaps, because then she knows she has you. And if she does truly love you, it is not for the things you, as man, may wish she loved you for. You are not likely to be loved for your honor, your honesty, or valor. More likely, how you make her feel, your confidence, your utility, will draw her love.

I dare you to ask a past love why you earned hers. The answer may haunt you.

Woman love you because they should – not because they can or want to. They love for what they wish to be loved for. It is no longer a surprise to me that women cannot understand men who do not appreciate being used.

While it may hurt to understand this – the pain fades. The lesson I believe you should take from this.

“Find a use for the woman – or she’ll find a use for you.”

I am at this point still not sure how to tell a woman that I love her. In some circles, it is acceptable to say, “I love you too”. In others, nothing less witty than “I know” will do. Or perhaps one should reframe, redirect, redraw attention to another area. Specifically not the topic of love. All, it seems, agree that one should not say “I love you” first, no matter the cost.

The thing I notice – is that the answers given to the question “What do I say when she tells me she loves me” center how it will affect the woman. I have yet to see anything deal with how it affects the man.

To that – I ask a question. Forget the woman in this equation – do you want to go your entire life without telling a woman you love her?

~Wald

12 thoughts on “A Short On Love

  1. The “I love you first” quandary is an interesting one. More often than not, it speaks to underlying dynamics if you feel the need to say it before she does, and especially so if you follow through on that thought. If the relationship is one in which you’re willing to say it but she isn’t, you’ve got big problems…

    Alter the underlying dynamic in your favor, and things get a lot easier to navigate.

  2. Everyone uses everyone, and what you do is going to be what draws other people in. To see it differently is to see the identity of the individual as different, or apart, from what the individual does. I’ve heard many people say that they want to be loved for “who they are” instead of what they do… well, what the hell makes you who you are? And why would it be better than anyone else if it doesn’t make you do things differently?

  3. Forget the woman in this equation – do you want to go your entire life without telling a woman you love her?

    Loving her is natural enough, but telling her about it? I’m scratching my head, wondering what good it might accomplish. When I already possess her, entirely, what’s the use in tossing around popular words that she will translate into who knows what? Proclaiming “my undying love” won’t really change anything for the better. In fact, it will probably decrease her affection for me. No thanks.

    In all of my married life, I’ve never seen a benefit to either me or her. She recognizes comfort and security, not poems and platitudes. Maybe I’m just a cynical old fool, or I grabbed a good woman, or both. I dunno.

    I would rather say or do anything that actually helps us.

    • It is not so much the “declaration of love” I am getting at here.

      I simply notice that most discussions of love center around the consideration of the woman. What of consideration of man?

      I do not advise you to tell her you love her – I advise you to think about it. The only action I bid you take is what I put in bold.

  4. THIS. Excellent post. Your blog has now been added to my list of must reads. Looking forward to future posts.

    Best wishes,

    Mik.

  5. Answered the question as asked. I have a nasty habit of taking these things literally. I can always try again…

    I simply notice that most discussions of love center around the consideration of the woman.

    Yeah, because it’s usually a ploy to curry favor and gain access. Misguided, but still a transparent attempt to attract her. Little else, in my opinion.

    What of consideration of man?

    A man desires a woman for various reasons, whether good or bad. But, If he doesn’t know why he wants her, then he’s in for a whole world of hurt.

    I do not advise you to tell her you love her – I advise you to think about it. The only action I bid you take is what I put in bold.

    Focusing strictly on utility, I value her as a help, an outlet for my emotions and drives, and an extension of my perception, among other things. As mentioned, I take even greater pleasure in possessing her and shaping her life.

    Part of the problem in discussing “love” our dubious definitions. I see it as an expression of something much larger than mere utility or biology. Many men have narrower definitions than mine. I get that. Apples and oranges.

    What is your definition and reason for love?

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