I’ve been reflecting for several months on my journey through game and self-improvement for the last seven years. I say seven years because even though I’ve been writing for only three years and reading the manosphere for only four years, my journey started in ninth grade. I didn’t know anything about game – but my failure year with Turkish Delight in ninth grade is what first opened my eyes to self-improvement and later game. I started off knowing that I didn’t know what I was doing with girls. I kept on failing – but it didn’t stop me or demoralize me much. I made friends, got more social, got more friends who were way better with girls than me, and move on. Each year I got a little better and learned one painful lesson after the next. I learned how to flirt and even got a girlfriend. I finished my high school year in a long distance relationship with a beautiful Turkish girl (which I’ll have to write about) that ended a year later with consummation due to my lack of sexual experience and confidence.
Three years and eleven girls later, I’m in my senior year of university. A completely different person. I’m less than a year away from getting my degree and a job that I want.
And what a journey it’s been.
My attitude on things have changed so much.
I don’t have any hate towards women even though they may annoy me from time to time. I don’t really care about getting notches on my belt anymore. If I meet a man with more notches than me – I want to know what he knows. If I meet a man who has less than me, then I’m happy to give advice if he thinks he needs it. I think there is such a thing as too many partners for women and men, though the number for men is much higher and I have no idea what it is. I believe that I’ll never find happiness in a woman – but I will find happiness in a family and pursuing my life’s mission. I don’t mind failure with women and I see rejection as either a learning experience or a favor that a girl does for me. Why is it a favor? I don’t want to find out we’re incompatible several months, or god forbid, several years down the line.
While collecting flags may never get old, I think, I’m prepared for it to lose its appeal and use. I don’t intend to slow down at this point and time, but I’m subconsciously screening for wife material and qualities I think I’ll like in a wife to raise children with. By the time I’m actively searching for a wife, I’ll be well-practiced in character assessment. I’m confident in the knowledge that I really don’t know all that much about women – there are plenty of men who know more. What matters to me is that I know a lot more now than I did seven years ago. Even a year ago, I didn’t know as much as I do now. The best part is that this is just the beginning.
It seems that I have a penchant for the School of Hard Knocks. I worry not for he makes for a harsh, but fair teacher. And right now – attendance is cheap. The price of learning is nowhere near as expensive as it is at the average US college. I’ve got my job after university set up and my expensive education paid for mostly by the powers that be. I will not be in debt after I leave the classroom for the field. Some may call the 8 years I’ll serve a debt – but I see it differently seeing as I planned on joining the military anyway.
And I’m going in without the expectation that the system will treat me fairly and that it will use me as much as it can. In turn I’ll use it as much as I can and try to stay a live. I’ve got life goals and more and more, the path towards reaching them gets clearer every year, like the clarity of the image of my dream in my head. I fear not dying, for I could have been dead once before and if I should fall, it would be on the path that I chose.
I have plans – but I know that I don’t know what I don’t know. My plans could change…and I’m okay with that.
In Japan, in karate, there are four belts; white, brown, green, and black. But contrary to popular belief, the black belt is not the end all be all of karate. It is not the top-level. Once a student has earned a black belt, he considered ready to train and learn.
That’s where I am with girls and life.
So it is safe to say, I’m no longer a beginner. I’m intermediate now.