It’s Safe to Say

I’ve been reflecting for several months on my journey through game and self-improvement for the last seven years. I say seven years because even though I’ve been writing for only three years and reading the manosphere for only four years, my journey started in ninth grade. I didn’t know anything about game – but my failure year with Turkish Delight in ninth grade is what first opened my eyes to self-improvement and later game. I started off knowing that I didn’t know what I was doing with girls. I kept on failing – but it didn’t stop me or demoralize me much. I made friends, got more social, got more friends who were way better with girls than me, and move on. Each year I got a little better and learned one painful lesson after the next. I learned how to flirt and even got a girlfriend. I finished my high school year in a long distance relationship with a beautiful Turkish girl (which I’ll have to write about) that ended a year later with consummation due to my lack of sexual experience and confidence.

Three years and eleven girls later, I’m in my senior year of university. A completely different person. I’m less than a year away from getting my degree and a job that I want.

And what a journey it’s been.

My attitude on things have changed so much.

On Women:

I don’t have any hate towards women even though they may annoy me from time to time. I don’t really care about getting notches on my belt anymore. If I meet a man with more notches than me – I want to know what he knows. If I meet a man who has less than me, then I’m happy to give advice if he thinks he needs it.  I think there is such a thing as too many partners for women and men, though the number for men is much higher and I have no idea what it is. I believe that I’ll never find happiness in a woman – but I will find happiness in a family and pursuing my life’s mission. I don’t mind failure with women and I see rejection as either a learning experience or a favor that a girl does for me. Why is it a favor? I don’t want to find out we’re incompatible several months, or god forbid, several years down the line.

While collecting flags may never get old, I think, I’m prepared for it to lose its appeal and use. I don’t intend to slow down at this point and time, but I’m subconsciously screening for wife material and qualities I think I’ll like in a wife to raise children with. By the time I’m actively searching for a wife, I’ll be well-practiced in character assessment. I’m confident in the knowledge that I really don’t know all that much about women – there are plenty of men who know more. What matters to me is that I know a lot more now than I did seven years ago. Even a year ago, I didn’t know as much as I do now. The best part is that this is just the beginning.

On Life:

It seems that I have a penchant for the School of Hard Knocks. I worry not for he makes for a harsh, but fair teacher. And right now – attendance is cheap. The price of learning is nowhere near as expensive as it is at the average US college. I’ve got my job after university set up and my expensive education paid for mostly by the powers that be. I will not be in debt after I leave the classroom for the field. Some may call the 8 years I’ll serve a debt – but I see it differently seeing as I planned on joining the military anyway.

And I’m going in without the expectation that the system will treat me fairly and that it will use me as much as it can. In turn I’ll use it as much as I can and try to stay a live. I’ve got life goals and more and more, the path towards reaching them gets clearer every year, like the clarity of the image of my dream in my head. I fear not dying, for I could have been dead once before and if I should fall, it would be on the path that I chose.

I have plans – but I know that I don’t know what I don’t know. My plans could change…and I’m okay with that.


In Japan, in karate, there are four belts; white, brown, green, and black. But contrary to popular belief, the black belt is not the end all be all of karate. It is not the top-level. Once a student has earned a black belt, he considered ready to train and learn.

That’s where I am with girls and life.

So it is safe to say, I’m no longer a beginner. I’m intermediate now.




So – I’ve been texting on and off for a little over a month. We haven’t had a chance to hang out because of our schedules but now that I’m out for summer break, I’ve been texting her again. She tried to flake on me and I used a line I first saw on [Redacted]. Then I had a conversation I’d never thought I’d experience.


Me: Monday may be a possibility! When would you be free? (15:27)


Her: Probably more towards evening time would be best. (02:11)


Me: I’m free tomorrow [Monday] (22:11)

Her: What do you wanna do? (23:30)

Me: Play pool at my favorite bar. (23:30)


Her: What bar? (01:00)

Me: [Bar X] (01:01)

Her: Do you know any bartenders there? (01:02)

Me: Yep. Most of them. (01:04)

Me: What time do you get out? (14:17)

Me: My phone has been dead – if you sent me any texts today – resend them. (16:01)

Me: When do you get off work? (20:44)

Her: Sorry I was just asking cuz I’m not 21 yet but I’m actually off tonight. (21:05)

Me: I think you’d get in – there should not be any security tonight. (21:06)

Me: I’m going to buy groceries and cook myself dinner. Should be free afterwards. (21:08)

Her: Idk if I’ll be able to come out tonight, it’s getting pretty late and I still have to go to the gym :( (21:16)

Me: Unsubscribe.

Her: Haha wow okay (21:29)

Me: (21:37)

Her: That’s pretty douchey (21:47)

Me: Saying you’re free Monday, texting late to set up plans, and then at last minute saying idk if I’m gonna come is also poor etiquette. (21:50)

Her: I get that, you should also understand how scattered and unorganized my schedule is due to my job. But since we’re being honest, I guess I could’ve made more of an effort but the fact that you’re rarely here because of school (which I was unaware of when we first began talking) has me unmotivated [sic] to get out of my way to meet up with you because really, nothing could come of it. (21:59)

Her: I suppose I should’ve said something sooner, so I’m sorry for wasting your time. (21:59)

Me: Because of your candid response, I accept your apology. (22:05)

Her: Thanks, I hope you understand where I’m coming from. It has nothing to do with you, you seem like a great guy. (22:08)

Me: I do. Because of going to military school – my schedule is often frantic and scattered – like yours. (22:09)

Me: If you’d still like to hang out, now that I’m home for the summer – let me know when you’re free. If not – nice talking to you. (22:11)

Her: I will, and I know my flakiness can be pretty upsetting so I won’t attempt to make plans with you unless I know I can definitely follow through from now on. Just to get an idea, what does your schedule typically look like week by week? (22:16)

I don’t have high hopes or expect anything. For those who wish to point out that I probably won’t get laid, I’d point out that you’re missing the bigger picture.


Your Daily Game and a Small Reflection

Was at the her prom the other night – suited up. Danced with her and walked around despite not paying for a ticket to the event. I decided I wanted to get our picture drawn. While waiting in line, shortly before it was our turn, she wanted to dance with her friends.

“I’m want to dance with my friends, I’ll be back, okay?”


“Hold my purse?”

[Quick shake of the head]

“Okay, no!”….[walks away smiling]

How about that. It wasn’t the end of the world.

Four years ago – I think I would have reached for the bag without a second thought.


Throwback Thursday: Ein kurzes Märchen

Once upon a time, when my ex-German girlfriend was still in love with me, she wrote me a wonderfully dirty, little story. I’ve not translated it just yet – but I will someday I think. At the time, it warmed my cold heart and rubbed a little black off its ashy exterior. It’s sad that those people (who I was at the time and who she was at the time) no longer exist – but at least now I know what it looks like, when things are how they’re supposed to be for me.


Es war einmal vor langer, langer Zeit in einem verwunschenen Reich ein König, der George “der Mächtige” genannt wurde.

Sein ganzes Reich lag ihm zu Füßen und niemand konnte sich ihm widersetzen. 
Mit seiner Manneskraft überzeugte er sogar die Sturrsten unter seinen Untertanen ihm zu gehorchen und jede Magd in diesem Lande wollte nur eins: sich in seinen starken Armen fallen lassen und sein steifes Glied in sich aufnehmen.

Jede hätte sich von ihm vögeln lassen, doch der König war wählerisch.
Er wollte nicht einfach ein dahergelaufenes Weib nehmen. Dafür war ihm sein Lebenssaft zu wertvoll. Es sollte ein Frau reinem Geblüts sein. So rein wie sein eigenes. 
Und hübsch musste sie sein und sich gut um ihn kümmern können. Außerdem waren Lange wallende Haare eine Pflicht. 

So kam es eines Tages, dass in einem weit entfernten Reich er die Bekanntschaft einer jungen edelen Dame machte, die ihn sofort neugierig machte. 
Äußerlich entsprach sie genau seinen Anforderungen und auch ihr Charakter gefiel ihm, sobald er sie kennen lernte, immer mehr. Der König fragte sich, ob dieses Weib wohl die richtige Begleiterin für ihn sein könnte. Dies ließ sich nur auf eine Art und Weise herausfinden: 

Als es nachts wurde, bestellte der König die junge Dame in sein Gemach, wo sie nur in ihrem Unterkleid erscheinen sollte. So ließ er es über seinen Kammerdiener der Dame mitteilen. Eine Viertelstunde verging, als leise die Tür zu seinem Gemach aufging und sich wieder schloss. Im Raum stand die gewünschte Dame mit ihrem langen dunklen Haar offen über die Schultern fallend und ein fast durchsichtiges Unterhemd über dem schlanken Körper. Der König betrachtet aufmerksam die Gestalt, die in sein Zimmer gekommen war. Im Kerzenschein war sie sogar noch schöner. Er konnte ihre Kurven durch das dünne Leinen durchsehen und bekam sofort einen Steifen. Dies ärgerte ihn zuerst, da er es nicht gewohnt war einmal nicht komplett die Kontrolle über die Situation zu haben. Jedoch beruhigte er sich sobald, da er es kaum erwarten konnte näher an die Frau heranzukommen. Sie sah verängstigt aus, was ihm gefiel, da er so die Macht, die er über sie hatte, spüren konnte. Er befahl ihr sich ihm zu nähern, so dass er ihre ganze Pracht begutachten könnte. Er drehte sie einmal im Licht, um auch ihren prächtigen Arsch sehen zu können. Bei dem Anblick konnte er nicht widerstehen und streichelte ihr sanft darüber. Die festen Kurven ihres Gesäßes zu spüren, erregte ihn so sehr, dass er kräftig zupackte. Die Frau wich erschrocken zurück, aber der König hatte sie schon fest im Griff. Mit der einen Hand massierte er ihre Arschbacken so fest er konnte, wobei er gleichzeitig die zweite Hand unter das Kleid und zwischen die Schenkel gleiten ließ.

Überraschenderweise war ihr Scharm nass wie der Ozean und, während er langsam über ihren Kitzler streichelte, hörte er wie sie leise stöhnte. Dies erregte ihn nur noch mehr, so dass er sie grob herumdrehte und ihr das Kleid vom Leib riss. Als seine Augen ihre trafen, sah er das gleiche Verlangen, das er in sich spürte. Mit seinen Händen umfasste er die runden großen Brüste, die sich ihm präsentierten, und saugte an den harten Nippeln. Als er damit fertig war, befahl er ihr sich an der Kante des Bettes festzuhalten, währenddessen er sein festes Glied aus der Hose hollte. Mit seinem “kleinen König” drang er in ihren Arsch ein, so fest und tief er konnte. Wieder und wieder, und immer wieder drang er in sie ein. Er spürte wie er näher kam und ihr keuchen verriet ihm, dass sie es genoss. Bevor das glorreiche Ende zu nah kam, befahl er dem Weib sich, mit den Beinen weit gespreizt, auf das Bett zu legen. Sie tat wie ihr befohlen. Er drang in sie von vorne ein und genoss das feuchte Gefühl, dass sein Glied umgab. Zuerst langsam, danach immer schneller bewegte er sich in ihr, bis der Schweiß beider sich vermischte und sie es kaum noch erwarten konnten. Doch der König stoppte, denn er wollte keine unehelichen Kinder zeugen, so dass er sich entschloss in ihrem Mund zu kommen. Er gebaht ihr sich hinzuknien und sein pralles Teil in den Mund zu nehmen. Sie fing an ihren Mund rauf und runter zu bewegen, so tief wie sie nur konnte. Er genoss das Gefühl ihrer weichen Lippen um seinen Schwanz und ließ sie fortfahren. Schließlich kam der langersehnte Höhepunkt und er spritzte ihr seine Ladung in den Mund. Sie schluckte alles brav runter und setzte sich auf. Die Erleichterung, die auf seinem Gesicht zu sehen war, brachte ein Lächeln auf die Lippen der Frau. 

Der König hatte gefunden wonach er suchte. Sie blieb noch die Nacht bei ihm, angekuschelt an seinem warmen Körper.Am nächsten Tag verkündete der König feierlich, dass er die perfekte Frau für sein Leben gefunden hatte und dass er sie so schnell wie möglich heiraten wollte. 
Das Paar blieb viele, viele glückliche Jahre zusammen, hatten 10 Kinder und lebten ein vollkommenes Leben.

Und wenn sie nicht gestorben sind, so leben sie noch heute! 

The premier thing I learned with it all, was what a woman looks like, when she’s truly in love.


The Only Vaccination I Can Truly Get Behind

I know I wrote on vaccines a while back. My opinion hasn’t changed much, but perhaps it’s a little more refined. My basic issue with vaccines is not the science behind it – rather the people behind it – the government and big pharma (that’s pharmaceutical corporations and companies that deal with any thing medically related).

Anyway – I read an interesting article on vaccination – by ingesting natural honey produced by Bees.

A letter to the New York Times editor about how local honey helps to fight allergies got me thinking, does it really work? I’ve heard about this natural allergy-fighting remedy before, but I’ve always wondered, how do you know it works? How much would you need to consume?

I only use local honey. The wildflower honey I get from a South Jersey honey producer is amazingly delicious. Tasted alongside of the grocery store honey that comes in a little bear, there’s no comparison. I always stock up at the end of the farmers market season so I have enough to last me through the winter.

No one in my family suffers terribly from seasonal allergies. My oldest son and I get itchy eyes and a bit of a sore throat when the seasons start to change in the spring and fall, but it only lasts a couple of days. We wait it out and don’t take any medication.

I wonder if our symptoms would be worse if I didn’t buy local honey? Could the honey mustard chicken recipe that my boys like so much that I may it weekly in the winter be medicinal?

The theory about the local honey and allergies is this: your local bees are more likely to collect pollen from the local flowers in your area. That pollen will end up in small amounts in the honey produced. By ingesting that honey on regular basis, the person eating the honey will build up immunity to the pollens from the flowers in their local region. It’s sort of like a vaccine taken little by little.

That’s the theory. There doesn’t seem to be any scientific evidence to back that up, however. I cant find any scientific studies that test the theory. Even without scientific evidence, this sees like one of those ideas worth trying.There are other proven benefits, too. Honey can immediately sooth a sore throat (whether it’s caused by seasonal allergies or not). It’s a natural, temporary energy booster. According the National Honey Board, it “contains small amounts of a wide array of vitamins and minerals, including niacin, riboflavin pantothenic acid, calcium, iron, magnesium, manganese, phosphorus, potassium, and zinc.”

In addition to the health benefits, buying local honey helps support local honey producers. Small bee farmers are on the front lines of helping to save our decreasing bee population right now, and purchasing their local products can help keep them in the fight.

My question to you is, do you use local honey to alleviate the symptoms of your seasonal allergies? Do you believe it works and why? I’m really curious.

Now that’s a vaccine I can get behind. I trust the bees more than I do the US government and merchants who live their life in their lifelong their ultimate desire: more. After all, bees are just following their nature.

“I’ve been watching, I’ve been waiting, in the shadows…all my time”

Just as the mainstream contains the seeds of its own destruction, so does the manosphere….

Whereas the mainstream looks to be torn apart by forces outside of it; some that used to be part of it, the manosphere sees the opposite situation.

It may be torn apart by forces inside of it; some who are newer parts of the manosphere. While outwardly it forms the shape of the antithesis of the cathedral (mainstream), certain elements and variables coalesce into the cathedral 2.0. Like the mainstream, the manosphere contains the seeds of his own destruction.

It would behoove Nero, Caesar, Marcus Aurelius, and the others to stop their squabbling and settle for a triumvirate; that they may then focus their energies on the barbarians at the gates.

The common refrain used to be “Hannibal ad Portas!”. Now only his name is screeched throughout the land.

Shall we come together to salt the lands of Carthage once and for all?


Throwback Thursday: On Being German

I had a conversation with my (ex) German girlfriend last year in September. I thought it was interesting and it was one of the conversations with her that made a noticeable impact on me. That is to say, it’s evidence of part of the reason why I liked her as much as I did. When I spoke with her, she would continue with the discourse even if she disagreed with me. She never nuked the conversation just because I said something she didn’t like. She actually gave thought to what I said. In the summer before this, I had several other similar conversations, where she called me a racist, a misogynist, and an asshole. By the time I was done talking with her, she only called me an asshole.

This particular conversation started with me finding a playlist of German songs on YouTube. I was thrilled because they sounded beautiful to me – and I thought they’d sound beautiful to someone who might not otherwise care to hear German spoken or sang.

I say with positivity, that from where I stand, not all is lost with my generation. Or my game is getting better. Either way, I’m moving forward. Or maybe I’m just a monster.

This is a good song



You mean the song I send you the other day?

I guess so
I’ve been listening to it a lot
it’s on a playlist with lots of German musik
it’s German music that sounds nice

Hahaha really?! I like that

without being dark and metallic like Rammstein
it almost brings a tear to my eye

Right XD
Why that?

I love German
I consider it beautiful when most consider it ugly
I am proud to know German and to have German blood


when many Germans are afraid to say the same because of past history
but how can they not be proud?
Germans have contributed much to the advances of science
Much to music with the likes of Bach and Mozart
Psychology with Freud and Jung
Philosophy with Kant and Nietsche
Engineering with the quality of cars, trucks, machines, tools

Yeah I know… I’m proud of those parts of German history and not of 1WW and 2WW stuff …

Efficient society despite all the rules
I accept Germany


for the beautiful things
and the ugly things
warts and all

That’s so nice to hear
I like that
And it is a rare thing to hear someone say that he/she considers German to be a beautiful language …. most think it sounds too hard and aggressive …
I don’t know … I mean I can’t tell, cause I grew up speaking German and I don’t know how it sounds to foreigners
I’m proud of Germany nowadays
I think more my grandparents and my parents generations are the ones who have problems with being proud, because they were more affected by the war … my grandparents directly and my parents were always told not to be too proud of Germany ….
But that has changed now… for my generation the war is quite far away, so it doesn’t affect us that much anymore

Fuck the people who say you should not be too proud of being German
They want to hold you down for whatever reason.
If a child commits one bad act in their life

Hahaha xP true

a horrible act
are the a bad child?
what if this child has done many good things in its life and never did something like this before?
does that one bad act make it a bad child?
Germany has been around since 1871
and Germans have been around since the Holy Roman Empire
12 bad years out of a thousand, does not a bad or evil people make
I am not catholic
Jesus did say – let he hath committed no sin throw the first stone
who hath*
No one is without sin
The Americans exterminated the Indians
The Turks genocided the Armenians
The Russians had pogroms – literally groups of peasants going around to kill Jews
In ancient times, the Jews themselves genocided peoples to reach and secure their “Holy Land”
The English, Dutch, and Americans had slaves
and other nations too
the Belgians massacred Africans in Congo

Spanish conquered Mexico and Southamerica and killed the Indians


You’re right
Horrible things have happened through history all over the world (sadly)

In history classes it was taught that WW2 was caused by how the allies handled WW1
denegrating Germany
making Germany responsible for paying off war reparations
making Germany responsible for the war in the first place
punishing Germany with occupation
and a pitiful military with which to “defend” itself
and what did they do after WW2?
War Trials

Yes, part of the reason …Germans were pissed

Deported many Germans to Soviet Gulags
Crushed the Germany spirit
and made Germans ashamed of being German


What of the Germans who were born after the war?
Did they choose to be born German?
How can you be ashamed of something over which you have no control of?
How can you be penalized for such?
Do we get mad at disabled people for being disabled?
Do we tell people who were born deformed that they must be ashamed of being deformed?

Well of course not..

So why make Germans ashamed of being German?
So why should Germans not be proud of being German?

There is no logical reason for that

Surely being proud of being German is different from “being proud” of the 12 bad years
Fuck the people who tell you to not be too proud.

Yes, big difference between does two

“Fick dich – ich bin stolz Deutsch zu sein”

Hahahaha XD
Exactly ;D
But still sometimes if you say that too much some parts of the society will call you a Nazi that’s annoying

Fuck them too


I am American
Yet I am proud to have German blood
What will they say to that?
My answer will remain the same
“Fick dich – ich bin stolz Deutsch zu sein”

Hahaha I don’t know XD
Good good ^^

I have to go get lunch and get to work
Talk to you later

Haha alright
Mein kleiner Deutscher
Bye bye
Per Handy gesendet
Wähle ein Emoticon


P.S. The video above was from a youtube playlist. Here’s the link: It doesn’t embed well, unfortunately.

We Watch Too Many Goddamn Movies

I was talking with my roommate the other day about how we both miss Berlin. We got to the subject of watching German TV, where I mentioned Tat Ort, a show the Germans love to watch on Sundays.

Apparently we both like the same German TV shows. He remarked that they were predictable.

Yeah, it’s because we watch too many goddamn movies“, I said. “Surprise! Another plot twist I did not see coming! Oh my…the foreboding character turned out to be the evil one!

And then it hit me. This is how older people see life. They’ve seen all the movies, tv shows, an have got the t-shirt[s] for it. They’ve seen nearly all the plot twists.

When my friend recounted how he told his grandfather that he wanted to study abroad in Germany again, his grandfather replied, “You can’t bullshit a bullshittter“. They both knew that my friend wanted to see a special lady again.

When i told my father, last year May, that I didn’t want to go to Munich to see the Zugspitz, he told me a while after about a phone conversation he had with my brother over the phone.

Summed up in one sentence?

It’s either girls or money.

He was 100 percent right.

As I get further along in my journey, through the accumulation of my own experineces and hearing the experiences of others, I’m starting to see more plot twists coming than I’d ever think I could. Nowadays I’m most right when I venture a guess. And the one plot twist I never saw coming is that sometimes I wish I wasn’t.